To avoid the ugly legal fallout that would doubtless be the result of any sort of copyrite infringement, I have cleverly come up with an alternative title for this post!
Because of the overwhelming enthusiasm caused by my Babysitters Club post, (there was none), I decided to do it again with another gaggle of girls who were very dear to my heart as a wee girl in New Jersey: The Wilderness Girls of Troop Beverly Hills!
Lead by uber-LA Phyllis Nefler, Troop Beverly Hills consisted of Phyllis’s daughter Hannah and her seven little LA stereotype friends. Let’s dust off the old crystal ball and see
Claire Sprantz
After earning her GED while simultaneously filming Death Blood I, II and III with Steven Seagal and Whoopi Goldberg, the former child star took a European tour where she fell in love with Dmitri Vershnininen a Muscovite billionaire and son of a disgraced KGB agent who, as a child, watched Claire on American television in the media room at the Kremlin.
REALITY: Actress Ami Foster went on to play rich kid Margo Kramer on everyone’s favorite show about a spunky orphan living with a weird old man, Punky Brewster. Doesn’t she remind you of Kirsten Dunst?
Chica Barnfell
Chica graduated a year early from Harvard Westlake Prep School and began her studies at Oxford, researching gender and ethnic pluralism in Italian Mannerist paintings. She was notorious on campus for her numerous affairs with older male professors as well as the lavish birthday parties she threw for herself each year.
REALITY: Chica was played by smoking hot Carla Gugino who went on to star in Entourage and The Watchmen. Still bangin’!
Lily Marcigan
Senior year of high school, Lily was kidnapped while on vacation in Cambodia and held for ransom by her father’s insurgent Filipino enemies. Her dramatic rescue by helicopter, in the dead of night, deep in the Cambodian jungle made excellent material for her application to Stanford where she studied International Affairs. While at Stanford Lily fell in love with Owen, a white kid with dreadlocks and a 5 foot glass bong from Portland, Oregon.
REALITY: Nothing.
Tiffany Honigman
After a cocaine fueled post high-school year in Europe, Tiffany decided for forgo college and instead raked in a sizable sum of money in one of the first ever Ponzi scheme to be busted by the Feds. Narrowly avoiding jail time, Tiffany was forced to declare bankruptcy and perform 700 hours of community service picking up trash in the Wetlands.
Tessa DiBlasio
Tessa majored in sociology and psychology at Barnard an opened a highly successful family therapy clinic catering to the children of divorced Manhattan socialites.
REALITY: My head just about exploded when I learned that “Tessa” was the same girl who played Nikki on the early early episodes of Saved by the Bell. Crazy, no?
Emily Coleman
Emily’s dad finally hit it big as a Serious Actor, playing a washed-up bullfighter battling alcoholism and struggling to reconnect with his estranged son and daughter in an art film that earned him an Oscar nomination. Newly rich, he was finally able to afford to send Emily to the pricey New England boarding school he’d always dreamed of going to as a boy. Emily went from being a shy, modest,unassuming, down-to-earth girl to being an obnoxious, spoiled, label-whore loudmouth who hurled pennies at scholarship students in the dining hall.
REALITY: One word: Corky.
Jasmine Shakar
After their victory at the Wilderness Girls Jamboree, Jasmine dropped out of the troop to concentrate on her singing career. She was briefly linked with JoJo Hailey of Jodeci in the early 90s and currently runs a high-impact aerobics studio in Santa Monica.
REALITY: Nada.
Hannah Nefler
The daughter of The Muffler Man himself, Hannah Nefler became….. an astronaut…I don’t know, I’m tired.
REALITY: Think we all know what happened to this one.
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Tags: jenny lewis, rilo kiley, Shelley Long, troop beverly hills
I freaking love Carla Gugino. She is SO hot! I didn’t know her name until now.
Great post Ashley!
There are so many great movies you could do this with. How about the Goonies, or Dazed and Confused?
I know, Carla Gugino is crazy hot.
Re:Dazed and Confused and Goonies, I’m totally on it!
I love this! I wanna do one too!
chica, keep banging.
Cambodian Filipinos? I mean, really, Ashley.
Also, for Elly-Kay Artin-may, not only was she my favorite actress in third grade but she was also the titular super-Christian “Christy” a few years later! Don’t forget that, puh-lease. That movie could only be awesome-er if the Camerons were in it sharing about the LORD … Oh and P.S. it’s filled with the wisdom of the hill folk, too!