Last week Kate wrote up a few cheap travel tips to help you all get your ramble on.  Considering that I spent roughly two years living out of a bag, her post inspired me to share some of my pointers with you.  These are only a few, but I’ll probably end up doing this from time to time just because I love you motherfuckers!

Fly During Off Peak Hours: Friday, Sunday and Monday flights are generally more expensive because that’s when everyone needs to fly.  It’s simple supply and demand.  So if you can fly on like Wednesdays or some shit, you’re gonna get cheaper flights.  Same goes for flying at ugly times.  No one wants to get up at 5am for a flight, but if you’re willing to do it, you will certainly pay less than if you flew at reasonable hour.

Be Flexible: Now I know that most of the time you fly, you’ve gotta be some place at a certain time like your nephew’s bar mitzvah or your ex’s gender reassignment celebration.  But if you have a job, I’m sure that you also get some vacation days.  If you have some flexible time off and you wanna do some traveling, I suggest going to www.kayak.com/buzz.  The way it works is that you plug in your nearest airport, the month you want to leave, and the region you want to visit, and it brings up the cheapest flights available.  I just plugged in my info and found a roundtrip flight from San Francisco to Madrid for $590!  Fuck….now I’m just teasing myself.  If I had the time and money I’d so buy that ticket right now.

Nothing says "snuggle with me" better than a Gonorrhea plush doll

Travel Insurance: If you are going on a trip outside of the country I highly recommend getting travel insurance.  While it does suck to have to cough up another $100+ after spending lots of money on a ticket, you’ll appreciate it when you’re on your trip and realize that while losing your inhibitions the night before, you also managed to lose your camera.  But hey, at least you got the Clap as a souvenir.  Luckily your travel insurance will probably cover the penicillin used to get rid of that too.  To get the most information about what travel insurer will work best for you check out www.travelinsurancereview.net

Packing REALLY Light. photo from BrianThacker.tv

Travel Light: I try to travel as light as possible and only travel with a carry-on whenever I can.  Its easier than you think.  I was able to live out of a carry-on for two weeks and during that time I went to a wedding, filmed some promotional TV stuff for two days and threw a huge party In NYC.  I was still able to fit all my different outfits into a carry-on bag.   But not everyone can do that, so if you do decide to check some baggage, make sure that it is only clothes in that particular suitcase.  Seriously, I can’t emphasize this enough:  put anything that you consider important in your carry-on luggage.  Medicine, toiletries, sunglasses, film equipment, and even your security blanket should all be in your carry on.  Luggage gets lost or stolen more often than you think and it’s easier to deal with losing your clothes than losing your antipsychotic medicine.

This guy can't figure out why he has such a tough time getting through JFK. photo from HistoryCommons.org

Make Photocopies of All Your Important Documents: Most importantly, do this for your passport, but you should also do it for your travel insurance documents, credit cards, and driver’s license.  Then once you’ve done that, keep them separate from all the actual hardcopies.  So if you keep your passport in your money belt all the time, keep your photocopies in your luggage.  I know it sounds crazy and even a little OCD, but it will be MUCH easier to deal with the embassy when your passport gets stolen if you’ve got a photocopy of what the fucker looked like.

Oh Yeah, One Last Thing: Don’t ever become a drug mule, ever.  That shit is stupid!

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Tags: airfare, gonorrhea, luggage, the clap, travel advice