Free Condoms: Next stop, Tunatown – formerly serviced by Skinboat.

 

from the desk of Oliver Hartman – Resident Bargain Whorespondent

 

 

Here is a recession tip: Stop buying condoms, especially if you haven’t altered your middle school strategy and still buy a lot of shit you don’t need so you can try to slip your trojanz past the clerk undetected.  We are in a financial crisis.    Times are rough. People are giving up their lattes. Girls go out and order Stoli and tonic. Australian tourists have stopped tipping. Oh, wait.  We need to reassess how and where we spend money.  
 
No one is saying don’t have sex and I’m definitely not saying don’t use a condom.  Think of its benefits: I know I feel better about sex when I’m reducing my chances of contracting an STD, not fathering an unwanted child, and exponentially increasing the duration of my slightly diminished ecstasy from 2 to 4 minutes – that’s 2 to the power of 2. All I’m saying is don’t pay for condoms.  They are expensive, like Mach 3 replacement blades and dried apricots. Thankfully, spurred into action because decades of irresponsible sex has resulted is a public health problem, The NYC Department of Health is giving out free condoms at tons of locations including retail stores, homeless service centers, clinics, saloons, and yes, barber shops.    

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About the author

Oliver Hartman - Resident Bargain Whorespondent

Oliver was born in 1983, the year of the Pig according to the Chinese zodiac. He grew up in Whitefield, Maine, but since college has lived in Boston, Maui, Switzerland, Buenos Aires, San Francisco, Nicaragua, and New York making his bread as a waiter, cocktail boy, camp counselor, writer, english teacher, tennis instructor, guide, model, and design agency jackass.

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