We Be Bartending Wednesday at Habibi

What we realistically look like...after 4 hours of drinking and smoking. If you are wearing sex-flexible fantasy glasses.

What we realistically look like...after 4 hours of drinking and smoking. If you are wearing sex-flexible fantasy glasses.

An ideal guest bartender is one with previous experience, charisma, and a rolodex of big spenders and social butterflies who are “the life of the party”. My college nickname was Tallie McShitty, but thanks to desperate bar owners, the prohibitive criterion have evaporated and I’ll be behind the bar with another equally unqualified friend, Charles, aka Chuckles, at Habibi Lounge (198 ave. A between 12th & 13th) tomorrow from 6-10pm. Probable lowlights: slow change making and repeated flubs with the soda and tonic buttons on the gun. Predicted highlights: excessive pours and 10:01 pm.

The guy I dealt with on craigslist said dress is casual and music is house/hip-hop. Their belly dancer doesn’t work weekdays, so plan accordingly – I’m looking at you Stuart. The guy also mentioned something about guaranteeing 40 people or else an alley and bat or broom stick. I didn’t really catch it.

In conclusion, everything pales in comparison to the Chuckles and Tallie McShitty Show, but if you need other incentives, here they are:

· $10 hookahs – the pipes, not prostitutes you god damn Bostonians

· $3 Bud

· $5 cocktails and martinis – best to queue for the regular bartender unless you are feeling adventurous or aren’t feeling period.

· $6 well-drinks

· the hail-Mary chance that we get invited back to do it again

Where: Habibi Lounge (198 ave. A between 12th & 13th)

When: Wednesday, March 18th 6-10pm

Why: financial and psychological depression

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About the author

Oliver Hartman - Resident Bargain Whorespondent

Oliver was born in 1983, the year of the Pig according to the Chinese zodiac. He grew up in Whitefield, Maine, but since college has lived in Boston, Maui, Switzerland, Buenos Aires, San Francisco, Nicaragua, and New York making his bread as a waiter, cocktail boy, camp counselor, writer, english teacher, tennis instructor, guide, model, and design agency jackass.

2 Comments

  1. Maya says:

    I wish, I wish, I wish I could be there. With your pours, I’m sure you wouldn’t need a belly dancer for entertainment.

  2. @ Maya – I was chastised for my first two pours because they were “too heavy”. On my 5th drink I was cursing at the bottle because it had an automatic stop on it and the owner overheard me and said “it’s like that for a reason”.

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