Will Cross-dress for Free Dinner

Wearing a skirt as man can get you a few things depending where you are – some supplemental income in the Bowery, a bagpipe in Scotland, a punch in the face in Detroit. Last night it got us a free 3 course dinner and 2 drinks at the schmancy Park Avenue Winter, given to anyone dressed as a school girl in celebration of their cameo on Gossip Girl. We changed in the shadows of the sidewalk, being sure to clarify from fellow Broke-Ass contributors Anna and Ashley, where the zipper went, thinking we would probably get rejected.  Specifically because of Stuart’s previous post, “Dress like an entitled brat and get a free meal”.

Thighs feeling extremely vulnerable, we entered and the place fucking lit up – we didn’t even have to use our counter-rejection that would have relied on words like “discriminatory” and “douche-baggery”. The hosts immediately smiled and joked. Hand reflexes went for cameras, not security buttons. Other school girls mini-mobbed us wanting photos. They drooled over our white, hairy legs. Ok, maybe not. The managers congratulated us on a job well done and advised high alert around a particular French server who might like our “European look”. Social capital was through the roof. We actually could have justifiably used our atrophied swat-girls-away muscles, which have been neglected since pre-puberty, but why the hell would we do that?

Other unexpected, pleasantries included a woman actually wearing a ball gown. She was loving it. And the most randy of the school girls? An older woman whose costume included the only mid-riff exposing French knot and a stuffed animal draped over her bag. More personally, I found skirts makes peeing even easier for a dude and that without leggings, girls like checking out guys legs when they wear skirts, and my hamstrings stuck to the bottom of chair, which technically was an unexpected un-pleasantry.

I can’t dwell on the food because it makes the return to my grits and ramen more painful, but it definitely warrants mention, given it was free. Our three coursers included: sashimi, salmon tartare, scallops, steak, and lobster. One dessert looked like a ceramic chocolate cube (appropriately called “the chocolate cube”) and another was sent by Saint Peter himself, all fluffy with white cotton candy and golden candied sugar sticks.

The promo continues through the 20th, but you need to make a reservation and our server (a fucking legend!) told us they have around 400 bookings already. So, good luck slacker.