Serial First Dating: the act of (or addiction to) only going on first dates with members of whatever sex you want to bone. If you’re aggressive about it (or are on OKCupid) it’s possible to score 7 dates in a week. There are good, bad, and annoying things about SFDing though.
But first, here are a few ways to get you started in getting a date in the first place:
1. Go get drunk at a bar with friends. Pretty easy & straightforward, no? Though, I guess you should probably avoid this if you’re looking for a boyfriend specifically. Unless you’re one of those â€œput all your cards on the tableâ€ kind of people.
2. Join a site like OK Cupid or Nerve that is free and more geared towards younger people. Avoid Match.com and eHarmony at all costsâ€¦those people are looking for more than you’re probably willing to provide. Plus, they’re freaks.
3. If you’re on the sleazy side, Missed Connections and Casual Encounters on Craigslist are always plentiful. Who cares if you’re not that girl on the L train with the Souxie Sioux shirt? Who are they kidding, anyway? They just want to get laid.
4. Troll your friends’ birthday parties for other single people. If it’s a birthday boy, nine times out of ten, he’ll be into it. Make it YOUR special day too.
5. Take up your lesbian buddy on that date she’s been begging for. Hey, you never know, you might unlock some hidden feelings and/or talents.
7 Reasons Serial Dating is Fantastic:
1. Whether you’re interested in finding a boyfriend, a fuckbuddy, or a one-night stand, this can be a great way to just jump right into it, whatever â€œitâ€ may be. It’s kind of like going to a wine tastingâ€”you just want to get a sense of what’s out there. And you can always spit back out if you think you’re getting too drunk. Or you know, drink the whole world. This is a safe space here, no one is judging you.
2. You know who’s good at dating? The people that do it the most. It also gives you the space to try out new things. Who cares if your one date wonder thinks you’re crazy? Just make sure he’s not a friend of a friend, and you’re good to go.
3. Everyone has a list of bars/restaurants, etc. they want to go to but may be too strapped for cash. You can make this your opportunity to go to all the bars, restaurants, whatever you’ve been meaning to go to— without even having to wait for your parents to visit! And even if your mom & dad turn out to be a walk in the park compared to your date, at least you finally got to see what that Death and Co. thingy is that all the kids are talking about.
4. You have zero obligation to call them back. I don’t care what anyone says, but if you agree to go on a date with someone, it’s like an implicit contract that this can be the only time you see this person in your life. Unless the person is a complete psycho, or you have said otherwise, no expectation should be there for anything to happen after the agreed-upon date.
5. If you just want to get laid that night, it’s fairly easy to complete your mission. I mean, the person is already there, so, why not? Your one date can magically transform into an impromptu sleepover session with just a few words and the right look. Again, you never have to call them back for any reason.
6. Get at least one free mealâ€¦.and potentially up to seven in a week, if you’re up for it. Sure, there are some implications here to reconcile, but who are you kidding anyway, ya big whore? Whatever. Seriously, though, I’m pretty sure it’s not illegal to accept at least one free meal, regardless of what happens after.
7. You could be meeting a potential booty call and/or sex partner. Who are you to turn down sex? What, you think you’re better than me?
7 Reasons Serial Dating can be Lame:
1. It can sometimes feel like a job interview. Telling the same information about yourself over & over, trying to paint a decent picture of yourself can get really old & can feel weird. Like, why am I trying to impress someone I don’t even know?
2. It can be utterly exhausting and overwhelming. My advice is to actually NOT have 7 dates in 7 days, because they can all tend to blend in together, and you can get confused who said what who is who. And that’s not only kind of a waste of your time/memory, but you can come off looking like a total asshole/airhead/robot.
3. Again on the exhausting note, it can be really taxing physically. Making an effort to meet people in various locations takes a lot of effort, and can leave you without energy for other, perhaps more important or fulfilling activities. This can especially suck if your batch of dates were all duds that week.
4. Sometimes having to blow off various people can really, really suck. Sometimes things you say to be polite can be misinterpreted as being interested in the other person, and it’s never fun to have to play the game of Operation Phase-Out, or even be point-blank honest that you don’t have any interest. Especially if you have to do this, like, five times.
5. It’s pretty easy to get jaded on meeting people/the human race if you’re constantly meeting people all the time you don’t like, or just don’t care about. It can be prettyâ€¦depressing.
6. Free meals sometimes come with expectations. Both of you has the potential to feel awkward, guilty, or indebted. And that can lead to bad decisions that one or both of you may regret and feel gross about later.
7. There’s a risk you may develop a horizon mentality that prevents you from becoming seriously involved with someone/anyone because you always have more dates lined up. Unless of course, that’s what you’re going for, in which case, carry on!
Anyway, it’s worth a shot, just to try it. In essence, just don’t overbook, and though it’s always nice to give people a chance, don’t concede to dating people you know for a fact you’re never going to have any interest in any way whatsoever.
Coming soon: the guy version of this from the Whorespondent himself, Oliver Hartman.
Also, I apologize for excluding gay men & women for the most part, but I didn’t want to speak for you, you filthy deviants.