Academy of Sciences: Studies Show Animals In Cages Are Not As Sexy

Do you love learning? I thought you did (by the way, you look amazing. Have you lost weight?). More importantly, how do you feel about alcohol? From your breath, I would say pretty good. Oh my god, I have an idea. What if the two were combined?

Just when you thought the Academy of Sciences couldn’t get any better, they pull this one on us. Thursday nights, they close it off from all the kiddos and reduce admission to $10. There are bars set up throughout the building, unreasonably close to each other with prices so ridiculous, they would have Paris Hilton screaming rape. But the beauty is, you can walk around a museum blasted without fear of that third strike you’ve been working so hard to avoid.

Apparently, the place to be is “The Rainforest.” When I saw the line for this glass dome filled with desperation, I walked straight past where I happened to stumble (and I mean stumble) across an albino alligator. Obviously, I thought the thing was stuffed, until a fly landed on its snout and the beast went crazy. Turns out, I love albino alligators.

From that point, I wandered down the stairs only to find a wall of jellyfish, which somehow made me realize the meaning of life. I wish I would have brought my notebook to write it down, because I forgot what is was by the time I reached the penguins. Oh, the penguins. This was the point in the night where the fun stopped and I tore out of there. I was looking through this piece of glass at these birds (who didn’t even have room to fly) and started to get really depressed about animals in cages.


Even though my evening came to a sour end, I described it as “the best night of my entire life.” If you like keeping it real, I suggest pre-funking with a bottle of two buck chuck and running to the Academy of Sciences. Easily the best $10 I’ve ever spent. And after all, you deserve it.

NightLife at the Academy of Sciences
55 Music Concourse Dr. [Golden Gate Park]
Every Thursday through October 29th 6pm-10pm

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About the author

Ryan Miller- Depleted Resource Analyst

Ryan Miller was raised in a small, quaint village named Portland, Oregon before spontaneously packing two suitcases, scrounging up $300 and catching a flight to San Francisco. Judging from his garbage, he is a connoisseur of Sun Chips and rather inexpensive wine. His personal goals are to refrain from hailing and accepting rides in random cars as well as greatly reduce the amount of hugs he provides for the homeless community. While touring Jamaica and prompted for his opinion on the prevalence of TB in third world countries, Miller eagerly asked, "They have Taco Bell here?"
  • Danielle Levanas – Bargain Soul Huntress

    I think i love albino alligators too.

  • http://brokeassstuart.com Broke-Ass Stuart – Editor In Cheap

    I wonder if they taste any different than regular ones :)

  • Jeremy

    The real other white meat.

    One tip for anyone wanting to go to the movie showing on these nights, get there really early because it sells out quick. Also,CAN penguins fly? :)