Recently liberated bras dangle from the ceiling, bearing silent witness to the mayhem below, while drunk young things struggle to hear each other’s pickup lines over intolerably loud country music. Yes this is a nightly scene here at the Patriot Saloon, a distinguished establishment where the bathroom is akin to a moist Petri dish and hot female bartenders writhe and dance with each other, occasionally topless, on the bar. I don’t generally like to get too technical, but in professional jargon, this saloon is what we in the industry call â€œa complete and utter fuckshow.â€
What kind of volatile elements lead to such a deranged and wanton environment? The answer is simple: cheap drinks. Very cheap drinks. Here one can procure a pitcher of Pabst Blue Ribbon for only $6, and pints of Stella and Guinness for $3.75 and $4, respectively. They also serve extremely inexpensive food like $1.25 burgers and 10 jumbo wings for $7. The ideology here is quite flawless; hire pretty and buxom women who flirt like strippers, encourage them to drink with patrons, give plenty of buybacks, and offer free shots to any female customer who dances on the bar. As if that wasn’t enough, some genius of interior design hung a taxidermy alligator on a surfboard from the ceiling, with bras dancing from its mouth, just to show you how real party animals do it. I’m still heavily debating whether or not the Patriot Saloon is my own personal heaven or hell.
The Patriot Saloon
110 Chambers St. @ Church St.