On this, one of the most hangover laden weekends of the year, you’re probably curled up in a ball apologizing to your stomach and liver and wishing that Abraham Lincoln had never invented alcohol. One thing that has gotten me through times like this are the funny/genius cures offered up by the Young, Broke and Beautiful Broke-Asses of the Week. Below are a few of my favorites, in hopes that you will benefit from their wisdom as I have. Hang in there doods.
Sigmund Amadeus Werndorf: A full on, traditional Irish breakfast. Nothing drives out the hangover better then three kinds of meat, three kinds of carbohydrates, and no fruit or vegetables.
Monica the Intern: A joint in a warm shower, followed by ½ of the eggs in a tasty nest at the Pork Store. Pop two painkillers, eat half of your plate, pass out, and have the rest later. Works everytime.
Kelly Malone: Ashamed to admit it, but a McDonald’s double cheeseburger, a Revive Vitamin Water, 2 Flintstones vitamins and a ton of aspirin.
Mike Force: Odwalla’s Superfood and a very long walk. I once had a hangover that wouldn’t stop unless I was walking, so I walked for hours.
Matt Haney: Kombucha. I have no idea what is in those things, but any drink that has living things inside of it has to be able to work magic. If anything the little sea monkeys in there will give new life to whatever the alcohol has destroyed.
Jeff Cleary: I’ve devoted most of my life to the scientific research of this subject. If you’re lucky, you’ll remember to have a glass of water after every 3rd drink. If it’s too late and you wake up with a monster hangover the only thing I’ve found that works is a long hot shower. Just linger in there for a while and let the water run off your head, then go back to bed. Old, obese cats are great for hangovers, too. They’re always game for sleeping it off, which is great.
Jay H.: I heard that is was a banana to replace lost potassium and to drink lots of waterâ€¦.but I hate bananas, so I just drink water and make ramen â€“ chicken flavored.
Todd Montesi: A cup of tea usually works. Followed by jerking off. And weeping. Then death. It’s the David Carradine cocktail (too soon or too late for that reference?).
Lawrence Bonk: I usually just end up in bed chanting â€œoh Godâ€ over and over until it passes, which doesn’t happen for many, many hours. The part of my brain that is able to rationalize things positively shuts down during a hangover.
Kevin Montgomery: Shut your mouth and deal with it.
Kelli Rudick: There’s no hangover if you simply sleep through the next day entirely.
Julia Wertz: Just keep on drinkin’
- image from boston.com
Gene Miguel: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, but what fun is there in preventing a hangover? Get wasted first then deal with it the next day. My solution is a steaming hot bowl of pho with every part of the cow in it, served with a cup of hot tea and a hilarious recap of the previous night.