What Has Two Thumbs and Loves Comedy Nights?

Some people just cannot tell a joke.  Case in point: Uncle Jerry.

Could be Uncle Jerry.  Or could be the guy who comes up from a this guy thumbs google search!

Could be Uncle Jerry. Or could be the guy who comes up from a "this guy thumbs" google search!

My friend Alice brought her friend Mike to her family reunion.  It was a huge gathering at a nice restaurant and Mike was a hit with the whole family, the little kids jumping on him, the teenage girls giggling in the corners, the aunts shaking his hand, even the geriatrics telling Alice what a “nice boy” he was.  But Mike hit it off the best with the uncles, to whom he kept telling the same joke: “What has two thumbs and loves blow jobs?”  And then, pointing to himself with both thumbs, “This guy!”  When everyone sat down at the long table, Alice and Mike took their seats next to good old drunken Uncle Jerry, who kept repeating, “this guy,” and laughing to himself.  After a few minutes of eating, Uncle Jerry turned to them and slurred, “I’m gonna tell the joke.”  Alice and Mike tried to tell him it wasn’t such a good idea, that it wasn’t appropriate, but to no avail.  Uncle Jerry tapped his knife on his glass, stood up, and as everyone turned to him, a hush descended upon the room.  With toddlers, grandparents, and even great-aunt Trudy smiling up at him, Uncle Jerry, swaying and inebriated, pointed both thumbs to his chest and declared: “I love blow jobs.”

What has two thumbs and knows how to pull off a joke?  Borat.

What has two thumbs and knows how to pull off a joke? Borat.

So you see, sometimes it’s best to leave the joke-telling to the professionals.  And if not professionals, then at least those brave souls who are used to hearing crickets after telling a dud.  I can’t vouch for all of these but listed below are your weekly $10-and-under Comedy Night options:






Mondays @ 9pm (3rd Monday is Ladies’ Night “which means funnier than all the other nights,” according to local comedy legend Emily Heller)
Comedy Mondays Live @ Deluxe
1511 Haight St. @ Ashbury [Haight]
$5

2nd Mondays @ 7pm
Monday Happy Hour Comedy @ Café Royale
800 Post St. @ Leavenworth [Tenderloin]
FREE

Tuesdays @ 8:30pm
Standup Comedy @ the Layover Bar
1517 Franklin St. btwn 15th & 17th [Downtown Oakland, btwn the 12th St and 19th St Bart Stations]
FREE

Tuesdays @ 9pm
Harvey’s Funny Tuesadays @ Harvey’s (“Gay Comedy in the heart of the Castro!”)
500 Castro St. @ 18th St. [The Castro]
FREE (one drink minimum)

Tuesdays @ 8pm
Comedy Blast @ Rockit Room
406 Clement St. @ 5th Ave. [Richmond District]
$10

Tuesdays 6-9pm
Comedy Open Mic @ Annie’s Social Club
917 Folsom St. @ 5th St. [SoMa]
FREE

1st & 3rd Tuesdays @ 8pm
Raw Comedy Night @ Poleng Lounge
1751 Fulton St. @ Masonic [Panhandle]
$5

Wednesdays @ 7pm & 9pm
San Francisco Comedy College‘s Hump Day Show @ The Clubhouse
414 Mason St. #705 @ Geary St [Union Square]
$5

Thursdays @ 8pm
San Francisco Comedy College‘s Thursday Night Fling @ The Clubhouse
414 Mason St. #705 @ Geary St [Union Square]
$5

Thursdays @ 7pm
Comedy Night @ BrainWash Café
1122 Folsom St. @ 7th St. [SoMa]
FREE

Thursdays @ 8pm
Comedy Off Broadway Oakland @ Miss Pearl’s Jam House
1 Broadway @ 7th [Downtown Oakland, near the 12th St. Bart Station]
$10

Fridays @ 9pm
Comedy Off Broadway Oakland @ The Washington Inn
495 10th St. @ Washington [Downtown Oakland, near the 12th St. Bart Station]
$10

2nd Sundays @ 7pm
Standup Comedy Night @ Actor’s Theatre
855 Bush St. btwn Mason & Taylor [Lower Nob Hill]
$10

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About the author

Chloe - Pennywise Reporter

Chloe's youth was split between California and Kauai, frolicking on a macadamia nut farm in the tropics and landing finally in the Bay Area. Raised by super-Jew hippies, and the youngest of three sisters, Chloe learned early the virtues of thrift, economy, and green living. To the chagrin of her parents (who hoped, of course, for a Jewish doctor or lawyer), Chloe has put her degree from UC Berkeley to great use by becoming a folk singer. As "Chloe Makes Music" she plays shows throughout SF and beyond, donning vintage frocks, selling handmade merch, and pinching pennies as she sings for her supper. Calling Berkeley home for the last six years, you can think of Chloe as the website's East Bay Correspondent, opening your eyes to the hippie-filled, tree-hugging, organic-loving, vegan-eating, but way-overlooked and awesome assets of Berkeley, Oakland, and beyond.

4 Comments

  1. Chloe- That is fucking hilarious!!!!

  2. Laura S - Spendthrift Scribe says:

    Ah drunk relatives

  3. Update: Annie’s Social Club is done and gone. Don’t go there if you want to laugh (ain’t nothing funny about going out of business).

  4. Samson says:

    Comedy Off Broadway Oakland is now at Miss Pearl’s Jam House, 1 Broadway (@ Water St), Oakland. Thursdays 8pm & Fridays 9pm. Check http://www.ComedyOffBroadwayOakland.com for lineups, details and updates.

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