How do I know spring has sprung? The son-of-a-bitch birds explode with an endless array of cheery chirps outside my window every God-forsaken morning.
It’s like clockwork. An hour before my alarm goes off!
And there’s one ballsy little fucker – a male cardinal, or as I like to call him, the feathery devil – that finds it amusing to continuously peck the pane, in awe of his own awesome reflection.
He’s so fucking vain. I bet he thinks this post is about him.
Well, it’s not, you disease-ridden bastard. It’s about another rite of passage: Rita’s annual First Day of Spring promotion, when the franchise will hand out more than 1.4 million cups of Italian ice “across the country.” Which is really just as far as Texas. (Hey, I don’t write the press releases. But I do my research. Something to think about, Person Who Writes the Rita’s Press Releases.)
What does all this have to do with you, ye of much pretentiousness and dwindling cash? Listen up.
This Saturday – for the first time ever – New Yorkers won’t have to schlep to Jersey or Yonkers to get their grubby paws on a serving. With the addition of the new Upper West Side store, NYC has officially joined the rest of the East Coast in its worship of all things flavored, frozen and FREE.
All you have to do is stop by from noon to 10pm on March 20 to claim your 10 oz. Italian ice in the available flavor of your choice.
That’s it. No strings attached.
In the meantime, enter Rita’s Facebook contest, “PEEPS Fandemonium!” In celebration of its new PEEPS Ice (inspired by those neon-colored, sugar-coated marshmallow chicks who know when to keep their beaks shut), you could win tons of prizes that include FREE Rita’s for a year and other swag that’ll make you wish you had dental insurance.
As for your uninsured flying brethren in my backyard, their swan song will likely end with the crescendo of a size nine boot stomp.
Yeah, you heard me. You want summa this?
Regular Italian Ice on the First Day of Spring
Rita’s Italian Ice
2486 Broadway Between W. 92nd & 93rd streets [Upper West Side]
Saturday, March 20
Noon to 10pm