Death of the Douchebag – Birth of the Penis Wrinkle

Simply one of the finest collections of Penis Wrinkles this writer has ever seen.

This is it.  I’m officially killing the term “Douchebag”.  I’m putting it to bed, retiring it, taking it out of circulation.  It’s had a good run….no, it’s had a great run, but it’s time is nigh.

The word Douchebag is just overexposed; it’s lost it’s potency, it’s punch.  It’s like the image of Che Guevara – something that could once stir the hearts of men but is now sadly sold as a commodity in the marketplace.  And so it is with douchebag.  It’s lost the provocative power it once had as an excellent insult to someone who was well…douchey.

With the death of the Douchebag I’d like to welcome you to the birth of the Penis Wrinkle.  Where “Douchebag” is full of soft vowels, “Penis Wrinkle” has sharp consonants.  Yes, this year’s model has a harsher effect because, for fuck’s sake, you’re calling someone a wrinkle on a penis.

Ed Hardy is actually an anagram for Penis Wrinkle.

All you traditionalists need not worry, Penis Wrinkle is just as flexible as Douchebag ever was.  Instead of shortening it and calling someone a “douche”, you can now just call them a “wrinkle”.  “D.B.” becomes “P.W.” as “D-Bag” becomes “P-Wrinkle”.  Hell, you can even call someone “wrinkly” instead of “douchey”.  Really, the possibilities are endless.

I know people can be resistant to change, but Penis Wrinkle’s time has come.  Don’t you want a word that can once again properly convey your disdain?  Just use it in a sentence and see it’s effect: “The lawmakers in Arizona are complete fucking Penis Wrinkles!” or “I can’t stand Dane Cook.  He must be the biggest Penis Wrinkle in the world”.

Now dear readers it’s up to you to bring the Penis Wrinkle to the masses.  It’s what America needs, a really good two word insult.  Let us go forth from this day on and use Penis Wrinkle until it too loses it’s sneer (at which time I’ll just have to think of another one).

Good-bye Douchebag – Hello Penis Wrinkle!

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About the author

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

I've been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle , "an SF cult hero": SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York, but to those familiar with my work, I'm just "that douchebag who writes books about cheap stuff and drinks a lot".
  • Nate

    While I agree with your premise–douchebag is ugly, overplayed and powerless–I propose an alternative that better meets our requirements.

    I present to you, cock wipe.

    In the most literal sense, a cock wipe is a person good for nothing other than to clean the insulter’s member after a some serious fucking. It’s just as full of hard consonants, it’s two words, and it’s much more evocative of the disdain that the insultee so properly deserves.

    So you can take your penis wrinkle and I my cock wipe.

  • http://brokeassstuart.com Broke-Ass Stuart – Editor In Cheap

    Fair enough. Cock wipe is a good one, but I think Penis Wrinkle is still benign enough to be said on television.

  • http://thetunaslot.wordpress.com Rebecca Pederson – Cheap Date

    My brother used to call me a penis wrinkle! It was so wholly offensive and I never came up with a comeback that measured up. Good job with this one.

  • http://brokeassstuart.com Broke-Ass Stuart – Editor In Cheap

    Yeah, it’s a pretty solid one. A classic really.

  • http://therawness.com T. AKA Ricky Raw

    A valiant effort, but after decades of use I think douchebag is here to stay. It’s almost not slang anymore, that’s how established it is in our vernacular. Let’s celebrate the word. We’ll never top it.

  • http://brokeassstuart.com Broke-Ass Stuart – Editor In Cheap

    I disagree. The brilliance of this move is that the penis wrinkles will still be the ones stuck using the word douchebag, thus immediately giving away their penis wrinkleness. It will be like wearing the mark of the beast, or maybe a scarlet letter.

  • Truthman

    Now, I don’t think I have a problem with the new phrase, but as a proud male of the species, I worry that this will give penis’ a bad rep….hehe

  • Indigo

    Just pointing out that you need to update your bio to say penis wrinkle.

  • Misha Bavgai

    I am actually quite fond of Fucktard. I think that really says it all.

  • http://brokeassstuart.com Broke-Ass Stuart – Editor In Cheap

    hahaha! well played!