When I was in high school, I used to write down what I wore to school on my calendar. Every outfit. Every day.
This routine continued for four years, all the way up until I won the best-dressed category during the senior superlatives. Sure, my regimen was extreme (I probably could have taken home the title without employing OCD), but I’m proud of my accomplishment … even if my yearbook photo for the award – where I’m clad in hunter green cords and an argyle sweater courtesy of the long-lost retailer Britches – now makes me cringe.
Nonetheless, I’ve always had an amateur interest in fashion. And as a true self-proclaimed fashionista, I’m honest enough to admit that I’ve made a few mistakes along the way.
I remember one experiment with bleach that went terribly wrong. My goal was to create a sort of tie-dyed effect on a pair of navy-blue cotton pants. Instead, my legs looked like they had come under fire by an army of paintballers suffering from Parkinson’s. Lesson learned. Mostly because my parents threatened to break my fingers if I laid them on a bottle of Clorox ever again.
I have a feeling I’m not the only one with such a story. In fact, I suspect the designers at this weekend’s New Faux performance/fashion show can put my wayward tale to shame. Because, as I’m sure they’ll tell you, fashion is about 20 percent prescience and the rest is pure trial-and-motherfucking-error.
Billed as a “show of bizarre fashion and wearable art, exhibited through theatrical and conceptual performances” – think a poor man’s Cirque du Soleil without the acrobatics or codpieces (although, the latter could pop up somewhere) – New Faux will feature the designs of clothes artists such as Kae Burke, Emma Emma, Lolli Poppit, and Third Earth Designs.
When the catwalk delivers its final purr, the DJ’ll blow up the bass, if only so you can drown out the drone of that bitch you brought with you. And if that doesn’t do the trick, perhaps complimentary cocktails will. But you’ve gotta dress “eccentric” to score this deal. Solution? Channel Andy Warhol, cheat off Lady Gaga, and take a spin around the thrift store. In other words, cut up a Kermit doll, carry a can of Campbell’s, and act seven kinds of aloof.
Free Cosmo? Comin’ right up.
New Faux Performance Fashion Show
House of Yes
342 Maujer St. [Williamsburg]
Friday, April 30
Doors, 8pm; Show, 9pm
FREE cocktails for eccentric dressers