Sex and Dating

Sometimes Being Friends Is Better Than Dating Somone

Have you ever met a guy that has a great personality, sense of humor, is attractive, you’re attracted to him, etc, except you’re not really sure that you should “go there”sexually/dating-wise with him?  Maybe like, you can see how things would end, or you can totally envision the problems that would arise from any relationship you might have, because he’s like totally the type of guy you usually go for, and there’s no way you’re going down that road again.  But then there’s still some part of you you that’s like “what if”?  I feel like people in general are way too quick to jump on the relationship train just to “find out” and totally end up repeating their own mistakes.  What if instead, you just remained friends with him?  And I don’t mean friends who fuck sometimes.  But, like actual platonic friends?  Here’s why you should think twice before jumping his bones:

1) Friends are sustainable

Let’s face it, relationships are like almost never sustainable, because of jealousy, resentment, etc etc.  How many exes are you really actual friends with that you hang out with on a fairly regular basis?  Maybe a handful?  Why not just skip over all the bad stuff and get to the good part?  Save your sexual mistakes for people who you don’t have a past with and who you’ll hopefully never see again.

2) You can gain some straight dude insight

If you’re friends with dude you kinda like, and you get to a point where you’re over trying to impress him or whatever, and share some actual emotional intimacy with him, you can probably learn a lot from each other without actually having to go through the painful shit.  Maybe he’ll tell you shit that most guys wouldn’t because they want to bone you, and vice versa.  Maybe you can even empathize with him to a certain degree.  Crazy but potentially true!

3) Sex almost always kills a friendship

If there’s one of you who wants to date, but the other doesn’t, there are most certainly going to be some hurt feelings.  And then you’ll either be in the worst kind of relationship based on a vicious cycle of emotional abuse, or you’ll never talk to him again.  If sex-type stuff never enters the picture, there’s nothing really to be jealous or hurt about (for the most part) on either end that could potentially destroy a friendship.  Also, threesomes virtually ALWAYS wind up being dramatic– adding one more person to your emotional bag of mixed nuts does NOT help anything (except when you’re the star– but everyone else in the triad winds up all hurt or whatever, so that’s no good).

4) Maybe he has friends that are WAY better for you than him

Maybe you really need to just break the mold of dating a different version of the same goddamn guy every single fucking time and meet someone completely different.  Maybe you should try something new and see if you like it.  Even if you don’t, you really don’t need to date every single guy you’re attracted to.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I would have enough time in my entire life to date EVERY single guy I’m vaguely attracted to.  I can almost always find at least ONE thing to like about pretty much everyone.  Maybe I’m on the fickle and frivolous side, but I often find myself being like, “wait, WHY did I like this person so much again?”  Tiger Beat, you’ve created a monster of several generations of women.

5) Being friends with lots of dudes will make other dudes think twice about fucking you over

I guess it’s kind of a version of the older brother factor, though by no means do I think I need “protection” from any man by any man, nor do I think guys should only respect you because of any other man.  BUT, if you’re dating some asshole that’s thinking of dicking you over, he’ll probably be less likely to do so if he knows you have male friends that have your back if anything crazy goes down.  It’s fucked up that asshole dudes respect random other dudes instead of you, who they should allegedly be close to, but well, that’s why they’re assholes.  At least this way, you might get out slightly less scathed.

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Anna G - Caliburg Contributor

Anna G - Caliburg Contributor

Anna G. is a Southern California native living in the Williamsburg area of Brooklyn since 2005. Anna is constantly trying to unite her love of CA sunshine and the excitement of the New York urban jungle, all the while trying to keep her unwieldy credit card debt under control, and look fabulous at brunch, no matter how un-showered and hungover.

  • Mr Jones

    Typical women logic. Flawed.