After Hours Fantasy

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When forced to work late at an office in Time Square sometimes there is nothing better to do than to carry out all the things from which you have been holding back.

To do those bold acts, finally, while you privately rue the day you decided to throw your family’s money away by going to acting school.  Because if you had gotten a real education maybe you wouldn’t be a freelancer after all.  Maybe you would have your own office instead of beginning work at 5 pm because you are using the computer of a nine-to-five-er and you have to wait until she leaves for a weekend of fun to start working.  Because you are smarter than your boss and you could have that corner office.  It is not too late.  You are smarter than him and don’t you ever forget it!

So, you think, now is your chance to live out your fantasies.  Now that you are alone you can do all the things you have just dreamt of doing while you were looking into the empty eyes of your idiot boss as you wiled away the hours in your cold, damp office hell.

The following brainstorms in somewhat of an outline format…

1. Use the bathroom, and I mean use…the…bathroom.

2. Make 15 espressos in the boss’s office using his very small, very fancy in-office machine.

3. Drink said espressos while perched on the boss’s desk…. in a full split.

4. Sing loudly and unabashedly.  Play list includes:

  • Anything from Liza Minnelli
  • Glen Miller Orchestra – so you can sing the instruments
  • Gibberish songs

5. Do secret sabotage on the boss’s computer. Methods include:

  • Email tricks a la “My Best Friends Wedding.”  Like:
  1. Lewd sexual invitations to various high level clients of said boss
  • Booby trap all documents with tricks…for example:
  1. Replacing all of the ‘yous’ with the word ‘moist’ HA!
  • Make a compromising photo the wallpaper on his desktop
  • Send intra-office memo that states everyone should make said inappropriate photo their wallpaper

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6. Recruit Time Square tourists for your own ‘stand up comedy night’.  Get them to pay $20.00 a piece.  Then bring them up to the office and:

  • Give them espressos
  • Watch you tube clips of famous and more qualified comedians like
  1. Richard Prior
  2. Cheech & Chong
  3. Gallagher

7. Sprinkle shredded paper out the window down to Time Square below.  Give them a ‘Christmas in May’ feeling.

8.  Try to blow out Time Square billboard light bulbs with elaborate spitball daggers.

  • Ten points if you hit Sarah Jessica Parker

9. Freak out the cleaning lady in the following ways:

  • Hide, jump out and scream.  [It used to work on my sister]
  • Convince her there is a ghost on the darkened floor.  Stalk around and make ghost noises.  Scary right?
  • Play dead

10. Leave

  • The ultimate fantasy move.  What will they do without you?

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About the author

Christine Witmer - Sparing Stringer

Christine was born and raised in the land of the Pilgrims, Plymouth, Massachusetts. She turned in her buckled shoes when she moved to NYC to attend NYU. From that esteemed University she received her BFA in theatre as well as a Master’s Degree in Performance Studies in 2004. Now an actor, writer and broke ass day-jobber, Christine juggles her many personas with the elegance of a red panda…. specifically the one in the Prospect Park Zoo . . . soooooo cute! She can be found most often in her own habitat on the Northside of Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

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