Fall Coats: A Guide

There’s a rotting cornucopia gourd’s worth of reasons why fall is the best season (except for spring, early summer,  Christmas and my birthday). But, if you’re like me, it means you have a vagina, and if you have a vagina it means you like clothes.  This means that your favorite kind of harvest bounty comes in the lush fabrics, beautiful stitching and inifinite layering possibilities of falls most delectable clothing options. (You’re supposed to read that last sentence in the voice of that mincing homosexual m’aitre d’ from The Simpsons). Best of all, of course, is coats.  Fall coats! Heavy enough to keep you warm while you’re walking cobblestoned streets, sipping pumpkin spice lattes, standing  beside a leaf pile or mourning the death or your college sweetheart.  But what KIND of coat?  So many styles, so many colors so many fabrics. It can be a tad overwhelming!  Here’s a helpful guide:

Peacoat

Collegiate, Oxfordian and irresistible to the Ryan O’Neills of the world, peacoats are classic, stylish and come in a variety of colors. We all know that camel is the look of the season but some like it gray, others red, but I say classic navy’s where you can’t go wrong.

Military

Kill a civilian! Nothing says harvest time like ritual slaughter. Do Columbus proud the chic way in one of these battle-worthy toppers.

Military Cape
$450 - calypso-celle.com
Military coat »

First Brass Coat
$80 - modcloth.com
Vintage coat »

Military Mac
45 GBP - oasis-stores.com
Military coat »

Trench

Perfect for subway exhibitionists and girls with an Anna Karina fixation alike.

Batwing Trench Coat
$234 - shopnastygal.com
Vintage coat »

Swing coat

For zany dinner parties, jaunts to the shops on Saturday morning and girls with a Laugh-In Fixation

Tweed swing coat Black
150 GBP - houseoffraser.co.uk
Phase Eight coats »

Lapin Fur Laser Cut Swing Coat
$5,395 - matthewwilliamson.com
Cape coat »

Blazer

For those of us who still occasionally do our onanistic homework to that one English / Humanities teacher/professor we high-school wanted to hook up with but would have hated  forever if he had actually ever come on to us. Corduroy is a plus. Elbow patches are a no, unless you plan on throwing  our textbooks out the window and putting your feet on the desk.  And even then, no.

Chaperoned Blazer
$128 - anthropologie.com


Animal Print

For Fran Drescher.

leopard love coat
$178 - usa.frenchconnection.com
French connection coats »

Gap Animal Print Jacket
$50 - gap.com


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About the author

Ashley Friedman - Cornerstore Correspondent

Like most kids, Ashley grew up in New Jersey. Unlike most kids the Friedman's televison set acted as a third parent, imbuing young Ashley with the stern moral values of Claire Huxtable, the dramatic tendencies of Brenda Walsh and the earnest hopefulness of the blond kid on Silver Spoons. After graduating from Sarah Lawrence Ashley made her way to the Park Slope area of Brooklyn where she can currently be found reading foreign fashion magazines, scouring ebay for vintage heels, eating out in restaurants and otherwise stretching her meager income as far as it will go in NYC.
  • Anna G – Caliburg Contributor

    But, Ashley, I just want to “rap” with you, and it will simply be impossible for me to tell you to forget everything you’ve ever learned until now without elbow patches. How can I get through to these KEEEDS?? Speaking of which, you forgot about fall coats for Edward Jams Olmos-style teachers. Chicanos out of water, if you will, like yours truly, who has just purchased her first olive green military hooded pseudo-rain jacket.