Background to this post: there is a long-haired dachshund puppy living somewhere near my apartment that I cannot even be around, because she is too cute. A few weeks ago I saw her tethered outside Dumont Burger, waiting for her owner, and I stopped to give her a pet and confirm that she was a good dog. Whilst confirming this, the thought actually crossed my mind that if I put her under my coat and casually walked back to my apartment, she would probably not bark at all, and there would be no witnesses. And then I was like, holy shit, I am an evil, creepy, dangerous person.
In the interest of not committing a felony, I have recently considered getting a pet, any pet, until I am financially solvent enough to afford a dog. Some possibilities:
1) A turtle
Turtles are pretty awesome, and they look happy enough living in captivity, so long as you provide them with a large rock, turtle-food flakes, and clean water. Although, in regard to the water, it don’t think it has to be tooo clean, because I have seen turtles heartily enjoying themselves in what is basically pond scum.
I personally do not understand the allure of fish, because all the fish I had as a child committed suicide by jumping out of their tank. Other people seem to like them, though, and my friend just got a pet fish named Pierre who actually seems very charismatic, so I could be wrong.
3) Hermit crab
Super cheap. They cost like $20, tank included, and their food each month is approximately $3 for the pellets. Only thing they are maybe lacking in is personality.
4) Hamster/ gerbil/ other member of the rodent family
5) Internet suggestion I do not agree with: a spider or snake
I don’t care what people say, spiders cannot be pets. A spider is incapable of affection. All it will want to do, even if you guys live together for 20 years, is poison you. Charlotte’s Web is a very well-written, super-sad LIE. Also, I’m sorry, but how can you love something with those creepy, murderous eyes? All spiders think about is murdering things.
Snakes aren’t as bad. I used to catch them in my garden when I was 8. Still, you have to feed them other live animals, like mice and crickets, which is sad, and they smell funny.