In their latest book, Attached, scientists Amir Levine and Rachel Heller have come up with something called the Attachment Theory. According to them, there are three categories that describe people’s behavior within romantic relationships:
*ANXIOUS people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back.
*AVOIDANT people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
*SECURE people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.
Supposedly, the key to finding happiness in a relationship is to have your attachment style exactly match your partner’s. As Jezebel’s Anna North has pointed out– shouldn’t the goal be to become secure? How could two anxious or avoidant people possibly be happy in a relationship? To borrow a phrase from my frenemy Bill Maher– new rule: if you’re too insecure to truly know whether or not your partner loves you, or you literally can’t even stomach being close with another person, maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship! Or at least the relationship you’re in now.
Why must relationships be compulsory? Why should you do something that makes you miserable? What’s the point? So you can squeeze out a couple of rugrats that we as a “village” will just have to raise anyway and walk in the snow around because your stroller takes up the entire sidewalk? Also, if you’re “secure” and not in a relationship, maybe that just means you should stay that way! Maybe you’re secure because you have no one making you crazy. Anywho, there is luckily an online quiz that can show you just how fucked up you are to the number. My anxiety score was 2.44, and my avoidance score was 2.82– which I think means that I have no discernible personality.
So, next time you’re sad about being single, remember that you’re most likely better off because you’re a sick fuck and will just make everyone miserable anyway.
Photo Courtesy of: Stars Media IGN