Your Home Bar, Part IV of V: Stretch That Booze, Son!

At this point, your home bar should be nearing completion. You’ve likely dropped a month’s burrito money on stocking your shelves with the booze, the tools, and the other essentials, but it’d be a crime for me to turn you loose now. This week, we’re going to chat about getting more for your money and making your materials last longer:

  • Buy single servings of bubbly mixers. Unlike juice, which doesn’t have any carbonation to lose, club soda and other pops will turn flat if you don’t use the entire bottle in short order after opening. Play it safe by purchasing cans or small bottles of cola and club soda and by getting juice in family-sized containers.
  • Switch to the cheaper stuff once you’re buzzed. Did someone else bring a bottle of no-name whisky to your party? Bust it out; you shouldn’t be able to taste the difference by now.
  • Mix, mix, mix. Even stuff that you don’t think should be mixed. You’re obviously drinking more liquid, so it tricks your brain into thinking you’ve had a lot more. It also (ideally) takes a longer time to drink, so it slows you down. Do you think mixing wine with club soda or champagne with orange juice is a crime? Do you like buying a new box of Franzia every day?

Broke asses of the world, meet the wine spritzer. You're welcome.

  • Snacks. Your food approach when drinking is crucial to how much you’ll drink. If you want your booze to last longer, that means you want to get drunk on less. Sure, doctors don’t advise this, but drinking on an empty stomach works. However, it comes with its own set of challenges and regrets (HANGOVER ALERT).
  • Ration. Set up some kind of system that forces you to take some time between your drinks. Have a glass of water after each drink, or hit the bathroom, or make the social circuit. Also, apply the mindful eating technique to your drinking: Really experience and enjoy each sip you take. Live in the moment, you hippie boozer. This will also keep you from getting too drunk, grabbing your roommate’s ass, and waking up with puke in your hair.
  • If a drink sucks, don’t throw it out; that’s money you’re dumping down the drain. If it’s not strong enough, add more booze (duh). If it’s too strong, add more of your mixer(s). If you hate the flavor, that’s a little trickier, but sour mix and cherries can solve even the nastiest drink problems!
  • Last resort: moderation. No success implementing any of these tips? Well, all I can say to you — sad, sorry, broke fuck that you are — is “drink less.”

Next week: The Proof Is in the John Collins: Cost Comparisons

Image courtesy of For Ladies By Ladies

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Sarah M. Smart - Red-Light Special

Sarah M. Smart - Red-Light Special

Sarah M. Smart was summoned into being on a distant ice cream planet
through an unholy union of Two-Buck Chuck and unicorns. They sent her to Indianapolis and then the University of Missouri's School of Journalism
to spread peace and big hair. Perpetually in mourning for the comma, she
has worked for a variety of print media, including Indianapolis
, Global Journalist, and Vox. Since moving
to San Francisco for the booming dumpster-diving scene, she has been an
online operative for such fine folks as , Neo-Factory, and
Academy of Art University. After a day of cat-feeding, hat-making,
dog-walking, vegan baking, and daydreaming about marrying rich, all she
wants is a margarita as big as her face.