Last night I had a dream that involved a motorcycle; a swimming pool; a drunk, cheating, and grandpa-aged boyfriend; my grade school; a police chase; a lesbian encounter; and someone else’s severed body parts. Yes, I frequently have dreams just as non sequitur, and yes, I’m totally messed up, and sometimes I start to feel that standard dream interpretations don’t apply to me. Perhaps you’ve had a similar thought. So let’s start the whole dream interpretation thing over with a broke-ass spin on the 10 most common dreams people have:
- Traditional interpretation: You are being manipulated, or you’re manipulating someone else and should stop.
- Broke-ass meaning: You need to clean under your couch. You’ve probably got a brown recluse under there, living off spilled popcorn and wine.
2. Being chased
- Traditional interpretation: You’re avoiding something.
- Broke-ass meaning: Did you pay your credit card bill this month? Those jerks are going to find you no matter what — and levy a gasp-worthy interest rate on your ass.
- Traditional interpretation: You have a big ego.
- Broke-ass meaning: Get thee to a thrift store. That pair of jeans your parents bought you in high school that don’t fit but you keep wearing them? The crotch is gonna rip, and you are going to be so embarrassed.
4. Teeth breaking or falling out
- Traditional interpretation: You feel misunderstood, or your ability to navigate your emotions is impaired.
- Broke-ass meaning: Your teeth are about to fall out because you haven’t been to a dentist since you were on your parents’ insurance.
5. Falling or flying
- Traditional interpretation: You feel out of control in some aspect of your life.
- Broke-ass meaning: Man, wouldn’t it be great if you had some million-dollar idea and never had to wait tables again? Like, a jet-pack, or a digital temperature control for shower water.
- Traditional interpretation: You need more time to be creative, or you are about to come up with an exciting new project.
- Broke-ass meaning: Girrrrl, implement a plan for birth control ASAP. As nice as it would be to feel like somebody loves you in spite of your broke ass, you cannot afford a baby right now, and you know it.
- Traditional interpretation: Dreaming about death doesn’t mean you’re going to die. It stands for a symbolic death, be it a relationship, a job, a phase in your life, or a part of yourself.
- Broke-ass meaning: Quit drinking your dinners. Spend your scarce dollars on food rather than Parliaments. Also, start looking for a new job; with your luck, you’re gonna get canned soon.
8. Losing or searching for something
- Traditional interpretation: You are suffering from anxiety over going off the right path, metaphorically speaking.
- Broke-ass meaning: Now, where did you put that $10 bill? You know you had it when you were sitting on the couch with that girl from BW3 because you were debating ordering a post-coital pizza but realized you didn’t have enough money for an extra-large. When you wake up, check underneath the couch cushions.
- Traditional interpretation: Water represents your emotional state. If you feel at peace with the water in your dream, you are comfortable facing your emotions. But if you are fearful of the water, wasteful of it, or drowning, you need to take a healthier approach to your emotional world.
- Broke-ass meaning: Water is free (for now). Drink more of it. Take your floaties to the beach, and swim in it. Alternately, take a shower, you dirty hippie.
- Traditional interpretation: You’re seeking inspiration and/or success.
- Broke-ass meaning: Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar: You probably want to bone Daniel Radcliffe or Angelina Jolie or whoever.
Image courtesy of Spirit Alchemy