To sustain any healthy relationship you have to pump love, commitment and money – lots of fucking money. I incessantly go beyond my means when it comes to dating, which is fine, when it’s just dating. But when the warm bowels of a relationship come calling, there’s no way around it: this person will figure out that you’re a no-good slobbering broke-ass. In my mind there are two ways to avoid this negatively affecting the relationship. First, try to get that person to care about you before this discovery. It’s not easy. It takes the ability to play the guitar, maybe some innate ability for poetry, a manic or raw ability to emote. It’s goddamn work.
Personally, I’d take the second route: deceit. Start with strategic dates to “fancy places” where you foot the whole bill (yeah, I split checks) – it keeps your significant other on their toes as to where you fit in the fiscal hierarchy. Sure you’re footing bills after each of your paychecks and splitting the next week, but hopefully your boo won’t pick up on that shit. Unless he/she is an event planner or some other calendar-oriented professional, he/she probably won’t. And why are you dating a professional? Students. Date students. Anyway, meet the accomplice: Bianca.
Bianca is like a beautiful Italian woman: small in the right places, and seemingly way out of your reach. If someone hadn’t tipped me onto the place, I wouldn’t have tried. The ambiance is romantic, cozy. Tightly packed candlelit tables and exposed brick walls that are decorated sparingly with Italian countryside paraphernalia. Quiet Italian music. When you walk through the door the (Italian) owner smiles and greets you like an old friend. Everything feels too nice, almost eerily so. You pat your wallet, start wondering if you are getting yourself into an exhilarating dine and dash scenario, but…
The food is crazy cheap. They have Tagliolini ai Frutti di Mare piled high with clams, mussels, calamari and shrimp for $12, and that’s their most expensive pasta dish! Shit there’s nothing on the food menu for more than $15, and the wine list is completely affordable. For real. This place is where it’s at. Take your other there. Take a friend. Go alone on Valentine’s day with a dozen roses and depress all the happy couples. Whatever you do, go.
5 Bleeker St. #1 (between Bowery and Elizabeth)
Photo Credit: biancanyc.com (the restaurant) & www.bellenews.com (Berlusconi)