Confession of a Stubhub Scalper

I’m going to be honest, and this may make some of you hate me, but what the hell: I’ve scalped tickets on Stubhub.  I ain’t fucking proud of that shit (southern accent), but I did do it (continued – I want to be a playwright).   Anyway, I’m through – I promise.  The money isn’t even that good (not true) and it’s difficult (also a lie).  I mean it’s not like you can just sit at your computer (at work) and make money effortlessly (you get my drift).  Hopefully the law will do something about (or to) these pesty scalpers.  But until that happens, let us at least have our way with them.  This is how to take money from Stubhub scalpers.

Scalpers are not market analysts.  They’re just a bunch of opportunists with a little extra cash in their bank accounts who decide to capitalize on the live-music industry.  So when the tickets go on sale for that show you really really wanted to go to, the scalpers log on with their 10 computers (in their parents’ basement) and buy up ALL of your tickets.  Then they post them on Stubhub for many times the face value.

However, like clockwork, scalpers buy too many tickets and/or try to sell them for more money than any reasonable person is wiling to pay.  This creates a surplus of tickets on Stubhub.  And when there’s a surplus, prices drop.  When there’s a deadline on that surplus, prices drop in a stupidly predictable way.  The day of that show you really wanted to go to, the prices start dropping exponentially.  These dirty scalpers have to sell off all of their tickets within four hours of the show, so they start panicking, and the prices keep dropping and dropping and dropping.

This happens for about half of the sold-out shows in NYC.  I assume it’s not as bad in other cities, but I’m sure it still happens.  I got a pair of Fleet Foxes tickets for a third of the face value.  You can save money by buying tickets last minute off of Stubhub.  It’s wild,  but it makes sense.  In a world where anyone can do anything on the internet, it’s inevitable that there will be a bunch of scummy half-brains out there that you can steal from.  Stubhub scalpers are those bottom feeders.  Have fun.

 

Photo Credit: pippenainteasy.com (main) & deathandtaxesmag.com (LCD Soundsystem tweet)  

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About the author

David Torrone - The Happy Peasant

Dave escaped the depression-ridden state of Michigan for the greener pastures of Brooklyn in the winter of 2010. He soon found that these greener pastures included: sharing an “intimate” subterraneous apartment with three Texans and initially committing to vegetarianism because meat was “out of his tax bracket.” Dave studied creative writing and behaviorism at The University of Michigan and currently works in a research laboratory at Columbia University. Dave is a struggling playwright, an overly enthusiastic dancer and probably that guy at your otherwise cool party talking about how little he paid for his beer.
  • http://docpop.org Doctor Popular

    Waiting last minute for the best deal on tickets is “stealing from scalpers”? Gotta say, I was hoping for something far juicier than that.

  • http://brokeassstuart.com Broke-Ass Stuart – Editor In Cheap

    Sorry it’s an older piece. I’ll have to look at it again.