Baby You Can Ride My Bike

You know when you’re sitting in your car in gridlocked traffic, cursing the world and wishing you could just get home while knowing you have to face another day of traffic again tomorrow? Or when you bump into someone with your car and instead of letting you go they insist on filing a police report. Which ends up making you pay your $500 insurance deductible? Or, when, the morning after a severely drunken night, you have to go on an early morning car hunt? And you end up at some random dive bar 12 miles away only to find you parked it in a yellow zone and it’s been towed?

I don’t. But I used to.

Of all the good and lovely things I have done myself, getting rid of my car is in the top three right after moving to the Bay Area but before dying my hair blonde. The amount of anxiety that has been relieved is incredible.

Come on, I’ll show you.

1. Live in a city: Most of these options really only apply to you if you reside in an accessible city. Just like, move to one or something. Just not this one because we have enough jerks here.

2. Get a bicycle: Get there fast. Look cool. Get skinny. Save the Earth. Have a bunch of sex.

3. Use your legs: When I first got rid of my car, I didn’t realize how much scenery I was missing speeding by everything in my dumb Kia. Walking is simply the greatest way to take in all the scenery that surrounds you. You’ll just be walking around and all of a sudden be all like, “WHADDUP ARCHITECTURE?!” Very rewarding.

4. Buy yourself something: Save all of the money you would have been spending on car insurance, maintenance, gas and DUIs and buy yourself something nice. Like a bike.

5. Car sharing: Zipcar is great because you can still make a big trip to Target or drive to somewhere else.

6. Public transportation: No matter how cool you think you look in your Honda Civic, you are not above taking the bus. Plus it’s great for multi-tasking. Read a book, look out a window, witness a crime, do some work, sleep, DRINK A BEER (you’re not actually allowed to drink a beer, so be discreet), talk to a stranger and many more!

7. Pimp your ride: What if you just gut the inside of your vehicle and turn it into a house and then live in it? You guys! You’ll be a millionaire if you’re saving your rent every month.

8. Take a nap: I don’t know what this has to do with anything but I am really tired all of a sudden.

I know it might seem like I’m just trying to push my earth-loving hippy propaganda on you and I am. I am only doing it because I have seen my quality of life improve by  many somethings since I got rid of my car. Try not using your car for 30 days. Where will you put it? Well, I don’t know where you’ll put it. That’s a good question. We wouldn’t have to be worried about this if you’d just get rid of the thing already.  One of your uncles has a garage. Park it there. Then borrow his truck to go to Costco. See? Not having a car is already easy.

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About the author

Donna Rose - Bankrupt Blonde

DR has maintained at or just below poverty level her entire life. She lives in Oakland with her imaginary pet cat, Joel.