Disclaimer: I do not currently have an online dating profile. Once you read this, you may not either.
Although I recently did some online dating research and have some awkward experiences from the past, I have enough social networks to vet through than have yet another way for people to contact me. Nevertheless, we’ve all been stuck in that rut where we hang out with the same groups, go out to the same places, and see the same people day after day. Whether you’re busy with work, lack social skills, or have found yourself surrounded by an unfavorable dating circle, there is more than one reason you may decide to dive in and join the internet pool of singles. However, you may need to wear a life preserver.
I’ve heard endless tales from friends, family, and have my own little book of crazy internet dating experiences. Here are some of the people you’ll inevitable run across while perusing your internet dating search results:
The Serial Online Dater
Their profile has been up for months… maybe even years. They look attractive enough. How could this person still be single? Well, I’ll tell you. Dating is a game to them. Whether it’s the girl who lines up dinners every night so she never has to pay for a meal or the guy who tries to sleep with as many desperate women looking for “the one,” these Serial Online Daters will crop up over and over. I guarantee they’re smooth talkers, and they’ll probably want to meet up after little conversation and messaging. Right down to business. Don’t be surprised if you go out once or twice and never hear from them again.
The One Who Doesn’t Get The Hint
They strike up a conversation with you. You’re not that interested. Nevertheless, you go out, and it doesn’t go particularly well. The next day they IM you. They are instantly offended you’re online but didn’t call them back. Their relentless efforts to win your attention are a little uncomfortable, and to make it worse, they know what you look like and how to reach you. Now you have a potential stalker. It’s difficult to read a person from a cheesy bio and a photoshopped profile picture, because 90% of the time you’re typically mislead or have false expectations. Sigh. It’s a tough life being an internet dating site heart breaker.
The Fresh Break-Up
Nothing like a good ole rebound! We all go through break-ups so it’s understandable when people want to move on once they get their heart smashed into a million pieces scattered around the city. The Fresh Break-Up will open up to you and tell you about their devastating relationship and claim they never want anything like it ever again. Perhaps they even speak favorably of this person. Nevertheless, you’re out to coffee and the main topic of conversation is THE EX. Nobody wants to hear about the ex. Stop it. This is a person you need to just let go… unless you’re looking for a casual affair, which may even lead to tears- so tread lightly.
The Person You’re Already Seeing
So you think everything is going really well. You’re spending a lot of time together and things are getting serious. Then, one day, you find out they have been active within 24 hours. Huh? But you were together all weekend. WHAT? They are online now and messaged one of your friends? But they just left your place! There’s nothing more disheartening to see your significant other prowling the internet for attention. If you met them online, they could very well be “The Serial Online Dater.” However, if they’re someone you met offline, this is a huge cause for concern. If you find a dating site open on their computer, they better have a good excuse. In my humble opinion this person is either an insecure attention craver, or, well, just promiscuous. Get out while you still can.
The “I Don’t Want Any Drama”
Trust me- they want drama. Read between the lines on this one. If they have to bring up drama in their profile, it probably follows them like a plague. Sure, they may be trying to turn over a new leaf or forget their last toxic relationship or crazy casual affair, but you may uncover some dirty laundry on this one. Watch out for their ex’s stalking you via social media, random 4AM phone calls, and, if you’re as lucky as I have been, greet an angry ex at the door at an unreasonable night hour.
All in all, I recommend signing up if you’re looking for an adventure and a laugh. If you’re actually looking for real, true love- well, I wouldn’t get my hopes up.
Good luck. I’m here for moral support.