What to Drink When Shit Hits the Fan

A San Francisco man partakes in shit hitting the fan after the Giants win the World Series

Unless you’ve been living under a rock the past week (or what’s more likely, an overturned bus) you’ve probably noticed that our country is a little en fuego. Between that mega-bitch named Sandy and the SF Giants winning the World Series, it’s a bona fide shit show out there. No matter the circumstances, however, one thing remains constant in times of both celebration and crisis: People gather together … and drink.

Ordinarily for the type of chaos that’s been going down lately, I’d recommend drinking something much stronger than wine. And by NO means am I suggesting you shouldn’t drink the hard stuff this week. You most definitely should. Any thoughtful, quasi-educated (‘University of the Streets’ totally counts, btw) adult would have anticipated the need for and stocked up on cheap liquor. What I am suggesting is that you not underestimate the benefits of having some natural disaster/celebratory riot wine on hand as well. After all, variety is the spice of life … even if life is a little F’d up at the moment. That’s why this week’s post is all about THE B.I.B.B. (aka Bag-in-Box, beyotch!)

I admit, I rarely drink boxed wine, but it’s not because there aren’t some worthy ones out there (which we’ll get to momentarily). In fact, this write-up got me all excited about them and I can honestly say, despite the overwhelming lack of impressive examples on the market as a whole, I am optimistic about the future of boxed (and other non-traditionally packaged) wine. Allow me to elaborate…

Reasons you should drink (good) boxed wine when shit hits the fan:

1. Way easier to carry/loot than multiple glass bottles

2. Cheap (or FREE if looting): 1 box = 4 or more bottles = under $10/bottle

3. Lasts for-F’n-ever once open (or at least up to a month, which is great if you’re trapped indoors or under something/somebody)

4. A 3-5 liter box of wine feeds many-a-thirsty mouth (see part above about people gathering to drink)

5. Boxes look less phallic than those silly bottles (not really relevant, just thought I’d mention it)

6. Environmentally-friendly (which you should care about even if your immediate environs have been destroyed)

7. If multiple boxes are stacked properly, can provide temporary shelter from devastating natural disasters and/or unruly drunken baseball fans

As promised, here are my boxed wine picks for this clusterfuckofaweek…

From the Tank Vin Rouge & Blanc (France) – 3L

Though I am slightly more impressed with the red from this label in terms of aromatics & flavor, both wines are extremely pleasing to drink. The red is a typical Côtes du Rhone blend of Grenache, Syrah, & Carignan. The white is 100% unoaked Chardonnay (Read: NOT buttery n’ junk). Also wins the award for Best Tagline: “Wine is bagged & boxed on demand”.

Bota Box (California) – 3L

I haven’t tried their entire line-up of wines (10 total), but I can vouch for the Chardonnay & Old Vine Zinfandel. The Chardonnay is especially aromatic & clean on the palate (again, NOT buttery n’ junk).

Yellow+Blue (Spain, Argentina, California) – 1L

This uber do-gooder label boasts a handful of uber delicious wines sourced from around the globe and put into 1L Tetra Paks. Then they donate a portion of their profits to the Kiva foundation, which supports entrepreneurship in developing countries. Bad-ass, huh? Now if we can just get them to use a bigger box…

Villa Pillo Cingalino (Italy) – 3L

This tasty little Chianti may be somewhat hard to track down/impetuously stockpile in BIB form, but their wines in any format are worth a search.

Black Box (New Zealand, Argentina, California) – 3L

If you like your BIB to sport a more masculine look, this is the brand for you. Also, their wines don’t suck. I especially don’t hate their Shiraz.

***ONE MORE THING YOU GUYS!!***

People need your helpsers and it’s ridiculously easy to do this: Text “REDCROSS” to 90999 to give $10 to American Red Cross Disaster Relief.

If you can’t donate $$$, the Red Cross will take your blood for FREE and give you a cookie! (Seriously, you don’t need all that blood)

Now drink up and be safe, goddamnit!

 

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About the author

Emily Crichton - Two Buck Chick

Emily grew up in the great American Midwest where she learned to appreciate the finer things in life, such as cheese curds, polka dancing, and building up a superhuman immune defense to lake sludge. Somewhere in her young adulthood, Emily got all kinds of geeky about wine and decided to forgo a life of luxury in order to be a pro wino in one of the most expensive cities on the planet. This career move would prove to be great for broke-asses everywhere seeking cheap, tasty wine suggestions, but not so great for Emily's predilection for anxiety-free bill-paying. On the rare occasion that she is not imbibing or writing about wine, Emily can usually be found traipsing around estate sales, defending her Wisconsin vernacular, challenging strangers to thumb-wrestling matches, and wishing "Three’s Company” was still on primetime TV.