Shallow Reasons I’m Single

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The only time I feel compelled to date these days is when other people encourage me to get out of my personal bubble. So, I try. It seems that I can’t find a happy medium, and the following reasons deter me from moving past the initial first dates and often the simple stages of initial communication. My reasons for halting contact are shallow and trivial, but at twenty-something years of age I think they are completely justified.

Text Etiquette

…or lack thereof. Every time I get the “Hey how r u?” text I cringe a little bit. I wonder how difficult it would be to type out a couple of additional letters to make a full word. Is there even an excuse with autocorrect? I am aware this pet peeve is ridiculous, but it’s difficult for me to take a 30-something year old grown man seriously when he types out “c ya.” In case you didn’t already know, I enjoy the written word and take it quite seriously. Anyone who is compatible with me will need to feel the same way.

You’re v. Your, Their v. There

Piggybacking off of text etiquette, I am continually surprised people are able to graduate high school without knowing the differences between these words. I also can’t take the “your beautiful” compliment seriously when they don’t know the difference between a possessive adjective and the contraction of “you are.” Do you here me? Wait, I mean, “hear.” That’s another one I can’t get past. I’m no English teacher, but if people are sloppy in their every day language, I do not even want to know what else they neglect in life.

Talking about Feelings

I have a lot of feelings, so I don’t think I am ready to hear about yours… at least not after a couple of weeks. I’m sure this is directly correlated with my only child syndrome. It’s difficult for me to get past the three-date mark because a lot of guys seem to think there is a deep relationship forming after a dinner or two. I don’t want to talk about our future when I am just learning about your profession and whether or not you like cats or dogs. I don’t want to be the male of the relationship, but with all these emotions, I kind of feel like I am. I can’t deal.

Animals

I once dated a guy with a pet snake. The snake was surprisingly pretty cool, but it also didn’t follow us around or require walking. That said, I am not a huge animal person. I don’t want your dog to sleep with us or stare while we make out, and I definitely don’t want to come home to my new shoes torn apart. If we need to worry about who is walking Fido and you can’t bear to be away from him for a week while we’re on vacation, you’re probably better off finding another animal lover. ::sneeze:: Did I mention I’m allergic to dander?

Your Ex

I used to lend a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, but men who gush about their horrible breakup is now beyond my realm of patience. It’s important to be able to talk about past experiences and what made you the person you are today, but come on. If you’re giving me every detail about your ex and how horrible she was to you then please- just leave me alone. Man up and stop being so petty… I’m sure you played your part. Besides, I like myself too much to be the rebound girl.

Couch Potato

Oh, so you like sports? I already see that you believe it is necessary to post about every single sports move on Facebook. It’s obvious you think the opposing team members are terrible, but how are your own athletic abilities? Do you ever go DO things, or do you just sit in front of a television and eat pizza while watching men tackle each other? By saying this I am fairly sure I’ll be single forever and/or weed out 90% of the male population from ever wanting to talk with me (and that is okay), but I can no longer pretend to care about some college boys throwing a football while I check my phone and make a move on Words With Friends.

Groupthink

As an independent person who is happy spending a Friday night making brownies, writing, or enjoying a solo dining experience, people who surround themselves with groups of people like they did in high school just freak me out. I understand enjoying hanging out with friends, but when you need to consult your peers about your every life decision and worry about what they will think of me, please, find someone else. I don’t like everyone else involved in my personal life. You’re an adult now. Be your own person. 

Long gone are the days of complaining about a boyfriend or trying to change someone for who they are. I’m just stating my personal opinion. Besides, I’m sure I’m not the only one who expects full-length words via text message.

 

Photo Credit:  55SecretStreet.typepad.comMasterTheNewNet.com Abigael-Cassandra.tumblr.com, AmadCity.com, VPIHamBoneAward.com, Zazzle.com, blog.tmcnet.comEpGuides.com

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About the author

Kristin Fehrman - Diva of Deals

A Midwest born serial city hopper with a pesky shopping habit, I strive to live the good life. It's all worth finagling and the hustle as long as I can enjoy awesome restaurants, travel to new places and fill my closet.
  • http://www.doggiedoo.org Diane Karagienakos

    Color me shallow as well. With the exception of the pet part (hey, at least Picard gives me an additional something to write about) and about a twenty year age difference, I’d say we’re of the same tribe. And yes, the grammar thing bugs the shit out of me.

  • http://www.laviajeramorena.com La Viajera Morena

    Hilarious article! In fact, I agree with so much of what you wrote for in regards to my own life!

  • http://konthebay.tumblr.com Kristin Fehrman – Diva of Deals

    Glad “u” liked it. ;) Better to throw it all on the table than suffer a miserable courtship of compromise and pretending.

  • Emily Crichton – Two Buck Chick

    Girl, it’s like you put my brain into a scanner but added funnier pictures… 110% agree on every point.

  • Joseph

    Oh man… Really, 90% of the male population you’re worried about offending?
    Dude, where do you *meet* these guys? I mean, bars? I hardly go to those anymore, unless they’re really cool/quirky/have an outdoor firepit.
    … Methinks you need to meet the Burners, the geeks, the laid-back intellectuals… The community-minded volunteers, the PlaceMakers, those who go to poetry open mic nights, the modern hippies (they don’t smell, and some are drug-free), the casual buddhists, the Snugglers and Lovetribers… Oh, and the random event people. Acts of Random Improv? White Dinners?

    Seriously! I mean, even Ultimate Frisbee! (Every term up above is googleable.)

  • Joseph

    P.S. If you’re ever in Portland, check out City Repair, as well as the online calendar of SouthEast UpLift (SEUL) — they’re a neighborhood association, and many community events that get posted to their calendar are a great way to meet some really cool people.

  • http://konthebay.tumblr.com Kristin Fehrman – Diva of Deals

    I don’t go to bars, Joseph. I’m also not worried about offending anyone- hence why I wrote it. It’s a method of fending them off.

  • Joseph

    Hey Kristin, thanks for the response.

    I wanted to clarify that I completely agree with everything you wrote in this article. I guess I was coming more from the standpoint of, the title of your post, and some of the points you made, indicate that you’re fed up with many of the dating prospects as being undateable (fair enough).

    However, the upshot of all this, as you communicated, seems to be that most men by and large aren’t worth dating (which is up for debate); that, rather than deal with crap/superficiality from this segment of the population, it’s easier just to remain single… Or at least, the probability of finding a suitable guy is sufficiently low enough that you need to put up quite a number of barriers to filter out the not-worthwhile ones.

    …. My point is that, based on your article, you seem to have had a number of unsatisfactory experiences, and have found it necessary to put up filtration systems / points of rejection…
    …. and I think this is rather due to looking in the wrong places.

    I agree with you that if one looks in more traditional avenues, you’re going to find more mainstream/stereotypical guys (along with all the faults that implies).

    This, rather, is why I suggested some alternative approaches… where A) I don’t think one would run into those issues, and B) would find much more satisfactory / higher quality results (men).

    I’ve found from my own experience that those individuals who tend to be the most worthwhile are those who, like myself, prefer to do meaningful/creative/fun things, all of which are very much off the beaten path of mainstream American “culture.”

    Random Improv groups are a great example of this; so are groups of people who value self-reflection, mindfulness, and building community.

  • Joseph

    In other words — what *do* you use to find quality results in men/dating, since clearly the traditional avenues are frought with immaturity?

  • http://konthebay.tumblr.com Kristin Fehrman – Diva of Deals

    I’m really happy just being alone, Joseph.

    I’ve met people through friends I trust, tech events, work functions, Chamber of Commerce networking…

    …but I think the real issue is that I live in the Midwest.

  • SN

    Very insightful comments! Your comments apply equally to both men and women. An extension of text etiquette is phonetic spelling in which people choose a word that is pronounced the same as their intended word but is spelled differently. Difficult to respect someone who doesn’t know the difference.

    For dating, the best course is to just engage in activities you are interested in and pray that you will run in to someone who has similar interests. Wake up every morning and, before you get out of bed, say a prayer asking to meet your soul mate . Put the word out in the universe and the universe will respond.

    By the way, there are some dogs, e.g., maltese, that do not have dander.

  • JeffT

    How you dress, how you act, and where you hang out shapes the people you meet. For example, dressing a certain way and hanging out in bars may cause you to attract a certain type of man/woman. Perhaps going through your closet and chucking the slutty outfits might result in you attracting a better class of men – happens all the time on the show “What Not To Wear”.

  • cb

    “…but I think the real issue is that I live in the Midwest.”

    You know, I always bristle whenever anyone gets to be a geography snob (I loathe the term “flyover state”) but after moving to northern Michigan, and finding that 99% of the women who live here are either retirees or single moms or *really* trashy single moms, (which, y’know, God bless single moms, they’re doing a tough job) that’s just not my speed. That may or may not be geography-related, but at least in an area with a denser/larger population, there was more of a selection to choose from.

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