Cheap Dates: Getin’ Kinky Wit It

Last week I was given a tour of the Kink.com (NSFW) studios, housed at the San Francisco Armory. If you’re not familiar with Kink, they’re an online porn production company specializing in BDSM and niche categories. I learn by doing, so you can imagine my disappointment when I found out that the tour wasn’t interactive. But what I didn’t get in mouthfuls of piss was made-up for with an awesome date idea, inspired by the various set designs, drums full of lube, and vast array of f*cking machines.


If you are familiar with Kink, you’ll know that two of their most popular video lines are Public Disgrace (NSFW) and Ultimate Surrender (NSFW). Both sites are driven by a voyeur/exhibitionist dynamic: Public Disgrace has women (or men) engaging in sexual acts in crowded, often public places; Ultimate Surrender pits models against each other in a sexual wrestling tournament, where the audience is comprised of actual San Francisco denizens watching women do something that still doesn’t seem as gay as professional wrestling.

[Author's note: it's 2:38am on Wednesday, and I've just rejoined working on this article having finished giving a police report, since previously in the night I was punched in the face outside one of my comedy shows. The girl [with the knuckles of a woman, if you ask me) who punched me was from a first date I had cut short the week prior, since she struck me as the kind of girl that might have struck me in the face. So maybe consider that before taking my dating advice to heart too much.]

eric barry face punch bloody lip

Here’s where you come in. Turns out the spectators for Public Disgrace and Ultimate Surrender are invited to the event entirely for FREE. Meaning all you have to do is send a request to audience@kink.com, and you and your boo could be debating which wrestling model is more likely find the G-Spot and cover the spread, which incidentally is the best way to find it. Not only is admission FREE, but you can bring your own food and drinks – and Kink will even supply the mixers! Meaning you could get to your eating, drinking, and f*cking without ever spending a dime or even having your date take their clothes off. Now someone hand me that hotdog.

My face feel’s like I was just in an segment for Ultimate Surrender where I forgot my safe word, so I’m off to fetch some ice and Percocet, but if you’d like to see what my busted face looks like while standup comedy is coming out of it, I’ll be part of SF Sketchfest 2013. For tickets click here.

Porn Pick of the Week: Maximum Fitness (NSFW)

Armory Studios (Kink.com)
14th Street (@ Mission Street)
[Inner Mission]
SF
www.sfarmory.com
audience@kink.com
FREE

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About the author

Eric Barry - Cashless Comedian

Eric Barry is a San Francisco comedian, writer, and founder of Full Disclosure, a media site dedicated to sex and comedy. He is a self-professed beer snob and pesto aficionado, and is incapable of lying, which has led to him shooting himself in the foot many times. He is currently seeking bulletproof shoes and thinks you and he would go great with fondue.

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