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Things All Twenty-Somethings Should NOT Know (And I Definitely Don’t).

twentysomethings-shouldn't-know

In the last few days, I’ve stumbled across at least five articles entitled “things all twenty-somethings should know”.

And I’ve hated all of them.

It’s not just that they’re patronizing, or saccharine, or written by someone who is sickeningly smug in the knowledge that one day we’ll all end up as jaded as them. It’s also that they perpetuate this whole growing-up-fast-is-cool thing. I don’t mean to get all sociological, (particularly since I know nothing about sociology), but I’m not sure I like this trend. I’m not sure it’s healthy. Life is complicated and messy whatever age you are, so why is the next phase of confusion better than the current one?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not all pro-stagnation. But I am 22 years old. I quite like the idea that, at 22, I’m going to act and think like a pig-headed 22 year old. Yes, I know, you older, wiser people have made your mistakes and you want to help me avoid them, or at least guide me through making them myself without doing too much damage. But will you please stop calling them mistakes, because I’m twenty-fucking-two, and they’re conscious decisions, okay?

In the spirit of embracing my age, here is a list of all the things I am proud to say that, in my early twenties, I do not know:

1) How to make a pie/jam/non-lumpy gravy (or any gravy at all). I can make a mean Pimm’s cup. That’s quite skill enough to tide me over to my thirties.

gravy

2) What a credit score is. Though I’m pretty sure I don’t have one.

3) That my body will suffer the consequences. Lesson from a friend’s mother that I’ll never forget: “If you don’t wear a bra, eventually, your boobs will sag. So go bra-less now before they do.”

4) That I’m going to regret my tattoos. Because I’m not. Ever.

Bad-Tattoos

5) That the most valuable part of a friendship is mutual support. No it’s not. It’s how much crazy mischief we can get into together.

6) That my feelings aren’t sacred, and don’t have to be indulged. Um, repression is like the worst thing on the planet, so obviously I’m going to let it all out. If you think I’m being rude, I’m sorry, but I can’t help the way I feel.

7) That you can get real enjoyment out of a comfortable chair and the simple sight of a smile. Yeah, if the chair is in 1OAK and the smile is about to take me home.

8) How bad drunk sex is. Because it’s a million times better than awkward, clunky, “oh.. er… can you move that limb?” sex, which is the only other option, right?

drunk-sex

9) What the meaning of life is. Because there isn’t one. Duh.

10) That “little and often makes much”. What a stupid saying. If I want much, I’m going to get much and have it right now.

11) That, really, bad boys are bad news. Who wants good news if it’s boring?

bad-boys

12) How many other people have exactly the same thoughts and feelings as me. I don’t mean to make like Obama and claim exceptionalism, but I am pretty damn unique.

13) How good I’ve got it. When I wake up hungover and alone on the sun-lounger pad I have instead of a mattress, and realize there’s nothing in my fridge but half a cucumber, life sucks. Don’t you dare tell me kids are starving in Africa.

photos from simply recipes, irkitated, someecards, collider     

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Daisy Rawcliffe - Vafrous Vagabond

Daisy Rawcliffe - Vafrous Vagabond

Daisy grew up in the English countryside, where money grew on apple trees and blackberry bushes. But for her 13th birthday, she got a backpack, which she instantly dragged across the Sinai Desert, and has been hauling around ever since. It has now explored four continents, and collected her the information she uses to convince people to go on holiday, which pays her the pittance she lives off. After too much time in a tent, she's currently trying to adjust to the norms of civilised society, which, fortunately, seem fairly lax in Brooklyn.

  • Emily Wells

    Very well written! 🙂 One piece of advice (and I’m SO SORRY, but I have to mention this): DO NOT FUCK UP YOUR CREDIT NOW. I’m 37 years old and fucked mine up when I was in my early 20s (What?! Best Buy gave me a $2,000 credit card? Wheeee!!! It was all down hill from there. Apparently you have to PAY your credit card bills, damn it!) and I’m just NOW finally getting my shit cleaned up and am able to buy a house.

  • Yeah, fucking up your credit and having drunk (which sometimes becomes unprotected) sex with someone now can screw you for life and not like a bad tattoo, for real.

  • Heather

    “That my feelings aren’t sacred, and don’t have to be indulged” I hope I never learn this.

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