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Vandalized ‘Super Bowl 50’ Statues, Ranked

What are the best vandalism jobs thus far performed on the Super Bowl 50 statues erected all over San Francisco? Unless your name is Mayor Ed Lee, you’re up in arms over these ugly-ass, taxpayer-funded, expensive-but-cheaply-produced Super Bowl 50 statues foisted on our otherwise-lovely city by a profiteering third-party outdoor marketing firm called Bluemedia. Most of these statues were quickly vandalized or tagged. But which vandalizations or taggings were the best of the bunch? We broke out the Broke-Ass i-Team to examine all of the currently standing Super Bowl 50 statues to determine which have been most magnificently vandalized.

NOTE: BrokeAssStuart.com does not condone the vandalism of these cheaply-produced and ugly statues, we just find the phenomenon delightful and amusing. And we can all agree that no act of Super Bowl 50 vandalism is worse than what Verizon illegally did to the Embarcadero Four building. If you want to productively rally against the Super Bowl, we recommend attending the Justice for Mario Woods March to Super Bowl City this Saturday at Union Square at 11 a.m.

So which Super Bowl 50 vandals did the best work? On to the listicle!

UPDATE: CITY HALL — “SUP BRO 50”

 

Since press time, this bit of hilarity happened at the City Hall Super Bowl 50 statue.

1. ALAMO SQUARE PARK — “EVICT ED LEE” STRIKES SUPER BLOW

1_GregoryTobey

Image: Gregory Tobey via Hoodline

This is some basic-ass tagging, but “Evict Ed Lee” was tagged in white spray paint onto the Alamo Square Super Bowl 50 statue on Jan. 20. We sincerely hope this led to countless German and Frenchie tourists getting the words “Evict Ed Lee” in the background of their Full House selfies.

The statue had been previously tagged on January 14, then was again damaged on Jan. 27 to merit the next spot on this list…

  1. ALAMO SQUARE PARK — “SUPERB OWL”
superb_owl

Image: SF Citizen via Hoodline

Whooooo did this? Within less than a week of its initial clean-up, the Super Bowl 50 statue in Alamo Square Park was promptly re-vandalized to make the decals say “Superb Owl”. Note also the destroyed framing and the  ripped NFL logo on the side.

That’s right, decals. These goddamned statues will cost SF taxpayers thousands apiece, yet are so flimsily constructed they are made of easily removable and repositionable decals. Mayor Lee can’t negotiate a matching pair of socks from the Walgreen’s dollar bin, let alone a decent deal for SF taxpayers on this corporate-welfare pig trough that we call Super Bowl 50.

Billboard Liberation types… what other words can you spell out with the letters “Super Bowl”? Decal-decorated statues all over SF await your suggestions.

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  1. CITY HALL — TAGGED, SOLAR PANELS STOLEN

SHOCKER: They put up a taxpayer-funded corporate statue at Civic Center and it got vandalized. The solar panels have clearly been ripped out (bottom of the photo) and tagging is noticeable on the Super Bowl 50 statue at our perpetual outdoor homeless shelter called UN Civic Center Plaza.

The Carl’s Jr. cup in the middle perfectly symbolizes the plight of the SF taxpayer, squeezed at both ends by the megabucks corporate-industrial NFL football complex. All three solar panels have been visibly ripped out of the statue base and will surely never be replaced.

  1. PALACE OF FINE ARTS — SOLAR PANELS STOLEN

palace

Some Marina jabroni came along and expertly removed the solar panels as if he intends to use them, hence the lights operating at only one-third capacity at the Super Bowl 50 statue at San Francisco’s Palace of Fine Arts. ‘Fine Arts’, indeed.

I’m guessing the hardware costs related to reconfiguring the solar panels would exceed their minimal monetary value. But, whatever… nice work, Marina jabroni.

  1. TWIN PEAKS — DISQUALIFIED (NO VANDALISM)

twinpeaks

What self-respecting vandal would haul his/her spray paint and vandalism tools up to the inaccessible heights of Twin Peaks? No one, which is why this remains the only unvandalized Super Bowl 50 statue in all of San Francisco.

Other Super Bowl 50 statues remain untouched at the San Jose Airport and at Levi’s Stadium. Four other statues will supposedly be unveiled in the Bay Area prior to Super Bowl 50, provided that Bluemedia doesn’t just take the money and run.

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.