What Sex is Like on Different Drugs
Despite what Mr. Garrison says, not all drugs are bad. But sex on certain drugs is absolutely terrible and sometimes frightening. Trust me, I’ve tried most of them. I’d say “I’ve done the research so you don’t have to” but I have a feeling you will anyways. Check out my experiences below.
It’s okay. I guess. There are hazards to sex on booze. You can black out mid coitus. Don’t be that person. Also, you could piss on yourself, or even worse, the person you’re with. Don’t be that person either. If you’ve had to much to drink, go the fuck home and sleep it off alone. You could also get a pair of beer goggles that cost you your dignity the following day, too. All I’ve got to say is, “Coyote Ugly.”
Edibles – that’s the ticket! I got fucked up in the Red Light District one night on accident. I was so mad when I realized I was too stoned to hook-up, because sex would have been awesome when I was that mellowed out.
Let’s put it this way: I know I’ve had sex on coke, but I don’t really think it stands out because…oh, wait. There was this one time that I totally had some straight up pure. This guy romanced me on his friend’s couch. We did it and I really didn’t remember anything about it until just now. So, that’s sex on cocaine.
There is no sex in acid. You’re too busy freaking the fuck out about roaches or exploring whatever crazy world you’re currently in with butterflies zooming around your living room. Then again laying on a 40 inch speaker listening to Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds while the vibrations stimulate you…yep, bad-ass self induced orgasm. True story.
Random night. Random Dude gave me opium of all things. Best sex ever. Seriously. If you’re gonna do it on a drug, just go with opium.
Run of the mill rave shit? Forget it. The sex sucked because I got drunk. Why would I get drunk? Because the only time I ever did it in pill form it was fake or just didn’t work on me and everyone else had a buzz. So, I got drunk to catch up and passed out during sex.
Otherwise known as MDMA or Molly is the shit. If you get it pure the sex is like an out of body experience. It was for me…probably because the guy was totally sensual and way into foreplay. For hours. Hours of sensual foreplay.
When you mix MDMA and cocaine they call it bumping up. Go right ahead. It’s a good time, but when you go to bumping uglies, the guy you’re with might freak out and think he’s having a heart attack. Fucking pussy.
What’s that? Plant food. Yep, it was a thing in the U.K. a few years ago. You go absolutely bat shit crazy on that shit. Orgies will happen. Lots of public make out sessions, and lots of orgies.
There was one time when I did cocaine and marijuana. Yep, it’s called caviare for a reason. I then went and totally fucked the ex-boyfriend of the girl who left me in Thailand. She called the next morning when we were both naked in bed. We laughed and laughed, and laughed. Most amazing orgasm’s ever, and we never talked about it again.
Some dude thought he’d swap my joint for his blunt filled with weed laced in formaldehyde. He rocked the boat, and that shit fucked me up. He tried it on and I promptly walked home. What would normally take three minutes, took 30. Instead of having sex I made snow angels because I thought if I didn’t I might die.
Shrooms aren’t really what I think of when it comes to getting sexy. Probably because I got into my boyfriend’s stash and ate them like Scooby Snacks one night. Next thing I know I think I’m being reincarnated and God is trying to comfort me through the birth canal. It was my boyfriend trying to get it on…basically no sex happened. Because I laid there in his bed naked and crying.