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Interview With A Stripper

stripper legs

What’s your name?

Chloe.

Is that your real name?

No.

“But it’s so normal.”

I abhorred the thought of being called something like: Destiny, Jayda, Jade, Peaches, Angelica, Misty, Sapphire, Mercedes, Lexis (who should’ve been called Chevette). Oh and a Spitfire–like a horse!

How did you start stripping?

I was a poor college student and my next door neighbor bragged about making $500 a night as a waitress. I couldn’t even find a minimum wage job for like $4.85 an hour. So, I went into Lady Godiva’s in my sexiest dress and got hired on the spot. Oh, and that girl lied. I never took home less than $250 a night, but then again I didn’t fuck people.

What was it like there? 

The people who owned the place were sketchy as fuck. The owner went down for tax evasion at one point, but your manager, your bartenders, your bouncers–they were family. We did normal shit like dinners, football games and sky diving. We also threw the most killer parties on earth with Jello Wrestling Contests. So, yeah–I’m totally confirming that all of your fantasies happened in one magical building.

will ferrell jello wrestling

Does stripping come with any hazards? 

Hell yeah. Peaches fell through the stage one night. Destiny was high and threw a glass at Stephanie on stage. Girl slipped and got glass in her ass. I picked glass out of that bitch’s butt for two hours. Misty did match tricks and some asshole wouldn’t blow her matches out and they burnt her nipples.
stripper glass

I’ve always heard most strippers are addicts. Any truth to that?  

Destiny shot heroine up through her toes so she wouldn’t get track marks on her arms. Other than that, we were booze hounds. Plain and simple.

Were there perks to being a stripper? 

When people knew who you were, you didn’t wait in line at clubs. You discreetly passed everyone. You could hear people scream as you walked by.

Did you ever feel like your job was dangerous? 

I had a stalker that broke into my house once. That’s when I moved to the most secure housing complex in town that cost $600 a month. In 1999, as a college student, people knew you were ballin’–but they never suspected I worked in a strip club.

What was it like the first time you took your clothes off for money? 

The first time I took my clothes off was a shower scene. I thought, “No one could touch me, so it’s better than a lap dance and I only have to do it for 15 minutes and I make $60? Fuck it.” Until I realized they called the guy “Pantihose Man”, because he liked to buy your pantihose and chew on them. I once caught “Pantihose Man” smoking cigarettes, putting them out in his drink, and still drinking it. I saw some weird shit in there.

From there I did everything. Even hot tubs. You made $250 an hour, and guys bought you drinks. So, it was a win win for a poor college student.

Was it fun though? 

One night one girl forgot to tuck her tampon string in, the black light hit that thing and it lit up the room like a bloody Christmas tree. I’m sitting there with this guy who kept going “What is that?”

You didn’t cross a stripper either. They are hard ass, take no shit bitches. My friend was dating this guy who tried to control her. He was some sort of Arabian prince from Saudi. He and his friends were really crappy to her…so one day she had enough. They went to a picnic and there were ribs. He asked what they were and she said they were beef. She laughed and laughed as he gobbled up pork against his own religion.

She kicked him out and changed the locks. The next time they got in a fight she took his ceremonial headdress and robe, and made curtains out of them for her living room. That’s where my fabulous attitude comes from. They taught me to stand up for myself. I don’t take shit from anyone any more.

saudies

How do you feel about it now?

You go to work to be sexually harassed every day. You have to be nice to men or you don’t make money. It’s a crappy way to earn money.

Would you do it again?

Now? Never. It’s a dead profession. People who work in strip clubs don’t make half the money we did. It’s not classy any more either. We had to wear full-on prom gowns. It was a means for me to get an education, and now that I have two degrees including a Masters–I’m thankful for the year I did it.

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Pat

Pat

writer, lover of words, circuses & large vegetables