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Overheard at the New SFMOMA

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SFMOMA‘s reconstruction is done and after almost 3 years of being closed, San Francisco’s contemporary art museum opened back up on May 14th.

Courtesy of SFMOMA and Henrik Kam

Courtesy of SFMOMA and Henrik Kam

Inspired by the book, Overheard at the Museum, here are some things overheard by museum visitors (which may or may not be fictional):

“If it’s modern art, does that mean none of the artists are dead?”

“This reminds me of IKEA.”

“I wonder if I could afford anything here. Can you buy stuff from museums?”

“Race you to the middle of this giant metal thing!”

Courtesy of surfacemag.com

Courtesy of surfacemag.com

“So I know people are always like, ‘I could make that’ or ‘my kid could do that.’ And I’m always like, ‘yeah, but you didn’t.'”

“I like these stadium stair things. They have ones just like it at the Square office. And maybe Google, too? I dunno, they wrote about it in Mashable.”

“How do you pronounce that name?”

“I wish I had taken more art classes. Then again, investment banking isn’t so bad.”

Courtesy of 1stdibs.com

Courtesy of 1stdibs.com

“I bet this is a good place for a first date…but only if you wanted to show off.”

“Is it just me or does it seem like there’s a lot of white people?”

“Oh, hey! That’s the family that owns GAP.”

“Why are you whispering? Why is everyone whispering?!”

Courtesy of superfuture.com

Courtesy of superfuture.com

“I’m so happy that all museums serve coffee now.”

“Do you think that guy’s rich?”

“I don’t get it.”

“Oh, I get it. Eh.”

“Oh! I get it! Whoa!”

Courtesy of the SF Examiner

Courtesy of the SF Examiner

“Do you think the artist was on drugs?”

“I’m pretty sure Andy Warhol was gay. Or at least, I think so. He did hang out with a lot of models…anyway, he peed on this.”

“I should have done some acid before we came here.”

“Why are the bathrooms so red? I feel like I’m in the Shining.”

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Candace Cui - Actual Unicorn

Candace Cui - Actual Unicorn

At age 2, I was getting run over by a bike in an alley in China. At age 8, I was avoiding man-o-wars on Tybee Island. At age 14, I was overdrinking sweet tea while running through the woods barefoot. At age 20, I was learning Art History and how to drop it low. At age 25, I was making fun of drum circles at Dolores. At every age, I am charming the fuck out of you. Just wait, it'll happen.