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Places & Things to Burn When the SF Giants Win The World Series Again

*Warning.  This post is satire.  It lampoons the past behavior of idiots who’ve disrespected our city by destroying things in times of celebration. It also acknowledges the fact that the SF Giants have been the absolute best team in baseball in the last decade.  Go Giants!  And now back to the list of things you shouldn’t try at home.*


 

Burn All The Turds On the Sidewalk

A man stands atop a burning newspaper stand in San Francisco's Mission district in California after the San Francisco Giants beat the Kansas City Royals in the World Series on October 29, 2014. A celebratory mood set the stage for what eventually became a scene of bottle throwing, vandalism, and bonfires throughout the area. AFP PHOTO/JOSH EDELSON (Photo credit should read Josh Edelson/AFP/Getty Images)

When the Giants won the World Series in 2014. A celebratory mood set the stage for what eventually became a scene of bottle throwing, vandalism, and bonfires throughout the area. Photo: Josh Edelson/AFP/Getty Images.

We don’t mean you should burn the turd standing on the fire in the photo above, we mean all the actual poops on our city’s sidewalks.  Instead of burning public property, why don’t you get your drunken mob together and collect all the excrement on our streets, and dance around that while it burns?

The Leaning Millennium Tower

pisa millenium

Someone needs to put it out of it’s misery right?  It’s like a fatally wounded robber baron, on two bad legs.  We don’t think you should burn it per se, but why not dismantle it and use the steel and glass to make a big center for the homeless instead?

Definitely Burn Down Bar None
bar none

If you have to destroy a neighborhood, why not the Marina this time?  Just spitballing here.  And by getting rid of ‘Bar None’, you’ll be ridding the City of approx 13.4% of douche bag habitat.  Which we can all agree has been growing nearly unchecked in the last decade.

Burn Down Google Bus Stops

apple bus

Approximately 35,000 employees use shuttle buses each day to be dropped off at Google, Facebook, Yahoo and Genentech corporate headquarters in Silicon Valley. Robert Nickelsberg/Getty Images

Oh wait, don’t burn down ‘Google bus stops’.  Those are actually all MUNI bus stops they are using.  Thankfully the silicon valley giants are at least paying to use public bus stops now.  The program taxes companies $3.67 per shuttle stop.

Burn Down the Mission Again

giants street ap

Seriously though, stop f*cking burning things down in the Mission. Nearly 200 people have been left homeless by fires in just the Mission district in the last year and a half.  People are crying arson!  But the SF Fire Department doesn’t seem to think so, they assure the public that the disproportionate amount of fires in the Mission are just a statistical anomaly.  In any case, lets not help the big developers by burning down old stock this fall, don’t light any fires in the Mission this year, or during anymore even years when the Giants inevitably win the World Series.

giants win 2010 TAEFDSA

Giants win World Series in 2010 over the Texas Rangers.

 

giants 2012

Giants world series win in 2012 over the Detroit Tigers

 

giants 2014

and Giants world series win in 2014 over the Kansas City Royals

 

So Go Giants, stop burning sh*t!  And Go Giants!

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  • Artivist

    I still vote Marina. 😀