Places & Things to Burn When the SF Giants Win The World Series Again
*Warning. This post is satire. It lampoons the past behavior of idiots who’ve disrespected our city by destroying things in times of celebration. It also acknowledges the fact that the SF Giants have been the absolute best team in baseball in the last decade. Go Giants! And now back to the list of things you shouldn’t try at home.*
Burn All The Turds On the Sidewalk
We don’t mean you should burn the turd standing on the fire in the photo above, we mean all the actual poops on our city’s sidewalks. Instead of burning public property, why don’t you get your drunken mob together and collect all the excrement on our streets, and dance around that while it burns?
The Leaning Millennium Tower
Someone needs to put it out of it’s misery right? It’s like a fatally wounded robber baron, on two bad legs. We don’t think you should burn it per se, but why not dismantle it and use the steel and glass to make a big center for the homeless instead?
If you have to destroy a neighborhood, why not the Marina this time? Just spitballing here. And by getting rid of ‘Bar None’, you’ll be ridding the City of approx 13.4% of douche bag habitat. Which we can all agree has been growing nearly unchecked in the last decade.
Burn Down Google Bus Stops
Oh wait, don’t burn down ‘Google bus stops’. Those are actually all MUNI bus stops they are using. Thankfully the silicon valley giants are at least paying to use public bus stops now. The program taxes companies $3.67 per shuttle stop.
Burn Down the Mission Again
Seriously though, stop f*cking burning things down in the Mission. Nearly 200 people have been left homeless by fires in just the Mission district in the last year and a half. People are crying arson! But the SF Fire Department doesn’t seem to think so, they assure the public that the disproportionate amount of fires in the Mission are just a statistical anomaly. In any case, lets not help the big developers by burning down old stock this fall, don’t light any fires in the Mission this year, or during anymore even years when the Giants inevitably win the World Series.