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What to Get your Favorite Sex Worker for the Holidays

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When one thinks of sex work, too often those thoughts come laden with negative images. There are, of course, reasons for negative associations to be made, as there are reasons for sex work among women to be hotly debated as a feminist issue. Let’s be clear, here, I don’t dispute nor claim to know how to fix human rights violations that plague the sex work industry, nor the patriarchal and male-gaze soaked adult entertainment industry.

HOWEVER.  I do know three things.
Number one: sex, for being a basic human instinct, is unnecessarily associated with a whole lot of shame.

Number two: sex work is one of the most stigmatized professions, and the subject has so many negative societal connotations that even researching it carries its own stigma. I mean, we have all sorts of other weird, inane, and sometimes even harmful professions, and yet few of them get as bad of a rap as sex work do.

Number three: there are people out there who like sex a lot, who are also really good at it, and, consequently, ahem, are passionate about it.

viktoria vaar face

Viktoria Vaar (on Instagram and Twitter) is one of those people. Born in Scandinavia, she is about as viking as vikings can get, right up to her golden braids. She was raised in an extremely open environment and community, which transmits when she talks about her profession. She is, of course, aware of the misconceptions and stigma that are often attached to her work, but the fact that it’s what she feels like doing and she does it well makes it all worth it.

In the Bay Area, to be fair, there is already a lot of conversation around the subject, like those that brought up Propositions K and Prop 60. To further demystify a profession that, in some cases, simply allows people to do what they love while quite literally making other people as happy as they can possibly be, Viktoria gave us some of the less obvious things that sex workers always need, which sheds some much needed light on the subject.

An automatic soap dispenser (but not for soap):

For example, like this one

For example, like this one

Viktoria: “This is sooo smart and, no, it’s not for soap, (you) fill these automatic dispensers with lube or oil and you can elegantly reach for more – using only one hand – while you’re actively pleasuring your client.”

The book ‘Coming Out Like a Porn Star’ by Jiz Lee:

Which you can buy here

Which you can buy here

V: “Many studies have shown that the highest price a sex worker pays is in social stigma and marginalization.  Many sex workers live double lives, hiding their professional life in a closet, this is tremendously damaging no matter how much you love your job. For sex workers, like escorts, it can be hard to find  support and advice on coming out, since so few are actually out. The porn industry is different, though, since the sex workers that act on film are forced to come out due to the public nature of the job. This book is relevant for all sex workers, from sugar babies to escorts to actors…”

Disposable vinyl gloves:

To be purchased here

To be purchased here

V: “Because safe sex can be suuuper sexy if you do it right. The gloves are especially good for prostate and g-spot stimulation, the slippery material makes the strokes “flow better” it also protects your client from your nails and allow you to skip a run to the bathroom for hand washing if you finish the massage but still wants to continue the fun doing other stuff.”

A gift card to a tantra massage:

Photo by subcompserv. You can find tantric massage in the Bay Area here, here, and also here.

Photo by subcompserv. You can find tantric massage in the Bay Area here, here, and also here.

V: “A sex worker transfers positive and healing energy to their clients, this is a very rewarding position to be in, but it’s also a fact that the nature of the job is about giving energy. Everybody needs a balance in life and intimate private relations and friendships will give positive energy, but, sometimes, it’s nice to keep the balance by being in a situation where your solely receiving positive energy. A professional tantra massage is a space where it’s totally clear that that the client only has to receive and relax, and especially in tantra the masseuses work focused on transferring energy to the client receiving.

…. But if you’re broke, then I’m sure that a homemade gift card to any type of massage would be well received. Write it as a formal card and make an effort of establishing a space where the sex worker should do nothing else than receive and enjoy.”

Small, portable speakers:

Like the ones you can buy here.

Like the ones you can buy here.

V: “In case (they) are a sexworker doing outcalls, (so they can) take control of the ambience! Make your own playlists with music to enhance the desired ambience.”

  • Of course, any more obvious gift like lingerie, toys, or condoms are always welcome too!

Well, there you have it. A bonafinde sex worker’s Christmas list!

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Rae Bathgate - Down and Out and Overseas

Rae Bathgate - Down and Out and Overseas

Rae, known also (depending on the country) as Rachelle/Raquel/ Rachele (and often sadly mistaken as Richard, because biblical names are hard you guys) is an aspiring writer and now sort of a dick for having actually defined herself as such. She was born and lived over the first half of her life in Italy; she then moved to the States and lived a good ten years there (including in SF). Currently back in Europe, she is neither a hapless American tourist nor a snobby European jerkyjerk; luckily for you, she is some weird ungodly combination of both. Also, she’s broke and is probably stealing bread crumbs from pigeons.