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10 Things To Know Before Having Sex In A Burger King Bathroom

Stop what you’re doing, cause I’m about to ruin the image and style that you’re used to… when it comes to public sex. Before you get crazy with your girl with the boom in the Burger King bathroom, there’s a few things you should know. While you may think public sex is easy, it’s best pulled off with a well thought-out plan. Like when to roll in, the best way to get straight gangsta mac, and all the other seedy little details it takes to pull off getting busy in a Burger King Bathroom.

Be Incognito

You don’t want to call attention to yourself, so be incognito. 

Courtesy Giphy

Courtesy Giphy

Don’t order anything too luxurious or crazy. Like no extra pickles. Don’t go in carrying a designer handbag either. The more inconspicuous you are, the more you’ll look like the average person going in for a whopper with cheese.

Dress For Easy Access

Duh! You’ll want to wear clothes that make it easy to get busy in a flash. Guys should never wear button up jeans or a belt. Keep it simple with a pair of zip up pants – just in case you get caught. That way you can exit with a quickness. Girls should wear a dress or skirt for even easier access, and just make sure to wear panties you can easily slide to the side. 

Bring Cleaning Supplies 

What? You never know what could have happened in the public Burger King bathroom before you got there…

Courtesy Basement Rejects

Courtesy Basement Rejects

You don’t have to bring everything under you bathroom sink. Just a pack of anti-bacterial wipes will do.

Be On The Safe Side 

There’s probably no condom machine in the bathroom, so you’re probably gonna have to take your own jimmy to wrap up your pickle. Easy clean up, too. You should at least be courteous after defiling the Burger King bathroom.

Courtesy Rebloggy

Courtesy Rebloggy

Don’t throw your food away

Leave as much stuff as you can on the table. First, you don’t need your iPhone. You’re about to get laid. Second, the employees won’t really notice you’re gone. If they do and clean your table off, that’s extra sexy time before you potentially get busted.

Prepare an Excuse

In case you get busted! Might as well have a really good excuse as to why you’re fucking in a Burger King bathroom. The more creative the better. Because no matter what you say the reaction will be fabulously priceless…

Courtesy Wasted Time

Courtesy Wasted Time

Shut The Fuck Up

No matter how well he’s tickling your ribs – shut the fuck up. The best way to successfully get laid in a Burger King bathroom is to leave your moaning at home. No matter how sexy it gets, tell him to add a little fun by covering your mouth. The last thing you need is some good Samaritan running in thinking you’re having a seizure and finding you butt-ass naked.

funny-gif-nobody-got-time-for-that

Get Straight Gangsta Mac

The best position for sex in a Burger King bathroom: The “Toilet Rider”. Put the lid down on the toilet. Guy sits back and relaxes while girl gets on top and rides it. This is the correct way to do the “Humpty Dance”. Oh, and the girl doesn’t have to face the guy for this position – you can always turn around and let him just grab you you the biscuits. 

Courtesy of Giphy

Courtesy of Giphy

Know How To Bust A Move

When it comes to leaving the bathroom, always leave the at separate times. Also, don’t wait to do it until just before close. Some of you might think the later, the better. Next thing you know, the employees lock up and you gotta “Wake up with the King”.

Courtesy Mashable

Courtesy Mashable

Always Remember…

You’re living everyone’s 1990 dream of “getting busy in a Burger King bathroom”. Have fun, ya’ crazy kids! 

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Brittany McComas - Sassy Lil' Biscuit

Brittany McComas - Sassy Lil' Biscuit

Sassy Lil' Biscuit moonlighting as an underwater basket weaver. What? It's a valid profession.