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The Best Anti-Nazi Themed Cocktails

Sometimes something great happens online and is immediately memed to death and repeated to the point of nausea within what I guess we can refer to as a “meme cycle”. Ken Bone went from kind of funny to pretty weird within a week. Chewbacca Mom actually became a bad person before her time in the spotlight was up. When I watched David S. Pumpkins on SNL, a smile grew on my face and faded within the sketch itself as I could feel the internet beating it to bone dust.

On January 21st, alt right neo-fascist Richard B. Spencer was decked in the face by a member of the black bloc while talking about his Pepe The Frog pin. I don’t know about this one. It’s January 30th now and I’m still pretty happy with this. When I found out later in the week that he’d been punched another time in the same day, I did that thing where you jump up and clap your shoes together. Everything in the news is horrible right now and a nazi being punched is, in contrast, purely good. It’s like a bar of milk chocolate or seeing a cool dog on your way to work. It’s great in a timeless way.

In between writing about nazis being punched in the face and doing stand up, I tend bar as a way of paying most of my bills. The other day I ran a happy hour special on a drink I made up called the Nazi Sucker Punch because I thought it might cheer people up by reminding them of how Richard Spencer got punched in the face. I wrote about it on Facebook and was immediately informed by a few other bartender friends of mine that I am not a groundbreaking genius for thinking of this and that they had all thought of the same joke. Well, a good idea is a good idea. Here are some “Richard Spencer got punched in the face” themed cocktails from bartenders I know around the world.

Spiced Spencer Punch

Spiced Spencer Punch Via http://cocktails.foodviva.com/

Leah Moss: bartender at Alaskan Alchemy in Anchorage Alaska.

“I head up Alaskan Alchemy, we forage things that grow wild around Alaska and make bouquets of foliage to make fancy cocktails for the people of the last frontier.”

“The Spiced Spencer Punch”

  • 1.5 oz Russian Standard Vodka
  • .5 oz Coffee Flavored Liquor
  • .5 oz Cointreau
  • .5 oz Ginger
  • .5 oz Spiced simple syrup.

“The Russian vodka base reminds of our impending fascist state. The coffee keeps you alert. The Cointreau keeps the lingering taste of orange regrets in your mouth in case, for a second you forget how we got here. The ginger reminds you to keep watch for the overly pale and the spiced simple to warm you up because the world is a cold hard place full of hatred and bigotry and in my case, snow.”

#2 Nazi punsch

Nazi Punsch Fuck Off or The Dick Punsch  via https://tradermagnus.blogspot.com

Julie Lozanobartender at The Grand Prize, Houston Texas.

“This shit is tight”

“Nazi Punsch Fuck Off ” *or* “Dick Punsch”

  • 1.5 oz Kronan Swedish Punsch
  • .75 oz Apricot Brandy
  • .75 Orange Juice
  • . 5 Lemon Juice
  • .25 Vanilla Syrup
  • 2 Dash Barkeep Saffron Bitters
  • Shake, fine strain, serve up
RoundHouse Punch Via Instagram

RoundHouse Punch Via @calipeachdreamz on Instagram

Lawrence Larocca: bartender at Hostal Yakumama, Cuenca Ecuador.

“I made this up for a bunch of bros that came into for 2nd time. I was closing and they were the only 4 people left, of maybe 8 people in a bachelor party. It was only like 11pm, and they were hammered. (I know that because they kept talking about how pussy everyone at the hotel that was passed out and how they were still hanging.) As a bar psychoanalyst, they didn’t seem to like each other. We were getting ready to close and I had started to put everything away. They wanted “One more fucking drink”. Two of them were arguing so I hoped this would send them on their way.”

“The Roundhouse Punch”
  • 1 oz Dark Rum
  • 1 oz Light Rum
  • 1 oz Batavia Arak
  • 2 oz pineapple
  • 1 oz lime
  • Shake/dump
  • splash with ginger beer
  • Top with bitters.
Garnish with bail money
Alternative Water

Alternative Water Via Pinterest

Jake Floresbartender at DuckDuck, East Williamsburg New York City (and author of this article)

 “I was just throwing around some pretty basic uninspired rum punches when I thought of this, then I sold a few Bloody Richards which was just bloody mary’s, and then I settled on this, which was pretty tasty.”

“Alternative Water”
  • 1.5 oz bourbon
  • 1 oz Berenjager
  • .5 oz lemons
  • shake
  • Fill with ginger beer
  • Top with Campari

Editor’s note: All photos are taken from sources that had recipes for drinks as similar as possible to the ones described in this piece. They are not actual photos of the recipes in this article. 

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jakef

jakef

He's toured the country with the Altercation Punk Comedy Tour and has been seen onstage alongside comics including Greg Fitzsimmons, Tig Notaro, Jim Norton and Doug Stanhope, and on festivals including Fun Fun Fun and SXSW. Flores contributes to Vice, Cracked and The New York Times, and has written for the YouTube channel Animeme Rap Battles; his tweets have been featured in Playboy and FunnyOrDie as well as on CNN. Currently, he's the creator and author of The New York Observer's hyper-cultural satire column, "A Millenial Reviews." In July of 2016 he will be features on Comedy Central's Road to Roast Battle.