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SXSW is BullSX!T

sxsw_jumpshark

Image: ABC Network, slightly altered

SXSW jumped the shark long ago, so be glad you’re not attending the Doritos-sponsored Spring Break for corporate America that’s getting underway in Austin, Texas. SWSW calls itself a “music, film, and interactive festival”. What in the Hello Fresh is an “interactive festival”? It’s where the normally cool city of Austin gets covered in QR codes while has-beens like Perry Farrell and Jello Biafra lurk around trying to score an appearance in the next Taco Bell commercial.

SXSW has gone so headlong into unapologetic douche-dom that this year they thought a catchy name for their official app would be Abby the SXSW Bot on SXSW GO Mobile App and Facebook Messenger. Rolls right off the tongue, huh? These buzzword-happy, brand-loving hipsters seem to think so, but this year SXSW is particularly obnoxious for a variety of reasons.

comey_mikelicht

Image: Mike Licht, NotionsCapital via Flickr

THEY BOOKED JAMES FREAKING COMEY TO SPEAK

Oh wow this sounds like it would have been a really fun session to attend. FBI director James Comey, who tipped the election to Donald Trump because he thought a private email server deserved more scrutiny than complete fucking treason with Russia, was scheduled to speak at SXSW. Comey has since canceled his appearance citing “scheduling conflicts”, so maybe he got that Taco Bell commercial that Perry Farrell wanted.

flickt_mrlaugh

Image: MrLaugh via Flickr

THEY PUT A ‘DEPORTATION CLAUSE’ IN THE BAND CONTRACTS

Bands who have the privilege of performing in front of giant Spotify backdrops were threatened with deportation of their immigrant members if they took any outside gigs during the festival. I swear to god I’m not making this up.  The SXSW musician contract threatened to “notify the appropriate U.S. immigration authorities” if bands played any of SXSW’s unofficial, non-corporate-branded gigs.

This is basically just bullying the bands to not to do other shows during the music festival component.. Look at this actual goddamned language that was in the SXSW contract: “International Artists entering the country through the Visa Waiver Program (VWP), B visa or any non-work visa may not perform at any public or unofficial shows, DAY OR NIGHT, in Austin from March 10-19, 2017. Accepting and performing at unofficial events (including unofficial events aside from SXSW Music dates during their visit to the United States) may result in immediate deportation, revoked passport and denied entry by US Customs Border Patrol at US ports of entry.”

SXSW has since canceled that provision. But why did they even have it in the first place? Because SXSW is BullSX!T.

NOTE: While Broke-Ass Stuart Worldwide Industries condemns SXSW, we will entertain the idea of saying nice things about them next year if they offer to overpay us.

 

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.