9 Ways to Spot a Fuckboy
They are literally everywhere. Every turn you take, every profile you swipe… they’re there. Hiding in your phone, in your coffee shops, in your apartment building. If you’re not careful, you’ll run into one.
No, I’m not talking about blackheads, terrorists, or asbestos – I’m talking about fuckboys.
They’re literally everywhere and it sucks when you finally match with a cute guy on Tinder only to have him be Ben Carson-levels of boring. Here are some easy ways to spot a fuckboy, so you can get out before you lose IQ points and your dignity.
1.) His social media presence is way too intense.
Social media companies and the brands that use them see social media as a female-dominated space. While this is great for your inner (and outer) dominatrix, be super alert if your potential beau has profiles full of “sexy” photos of himself or asks you to follow/friend him as soon as you start chatting.
2.) He only wants to see you at night.
Unless he’s Edward Cullen, Lestat, or another hot emo vampire, GTFO. You are not a pizza. Let me say that again. YOU ARE NOT A PIZZA. He can’t just order you when he’s hungry. That’s bullshit.
3.) His friends are basically clones.
Meeting our significant other’s friends is an important step in one’s relationship, and sometimes you end up making actual friendships when doing so. But if somebody only hangs out with clones of themselves, that’s a huge red flag. It basically means that said fuckboy has the mental capacity of a woodblock. Also – watch how they talk about their Tinder hookups, waiters, and just people in general.
4.) He keeps begging you for photos.
Sure, you’re obviously the hottest date this guy has ever had, but once he crosses the creeper line and asks for nudes on repeat – this dude’s hunger will never be satiated. And I don’t mean that in a sexy way. I mean that in a “he’s probably getting nudes from five other girls at the same time” kind of way. You don’t want your photos to end up on a random website a la Jennifer Lawrence’s celeb-gate scandal. Or maybe you do. It’s your life.
5.) His fashion game is… well, it’s “fashion.”
I’m sure his regular rotation of polos, Birkenstocks, and pastels is great for summering on Martha’s Vineyard, but not great at expressing one’s sense of style. Most likely his clothing choices are for great Instagram shots, not to reflect his (lack of) personality.
6.) He always high-fives somebody when he talks about the G-spot.
Or the clitoris. Or ovaries. Or estrogen. Or literally any part of the female anatomy, regardless of whether he can fuck it or not.
7.) He doesn’t make the effort to see you.
There’s a big difference between “we should hang” and “Are you free on Saturday?” Fuckboys don’t understand that. Actual dating prospects do. In addition to that, be wary of any fuckboy slang in general. These include “lit”, “420”, “pussy”, “bang”, “banger”, “banging”, “sup”, and of course – pretty much any emoji that winks.
8.) All of his exes are “crazy.”
Oh really? All of your exes are crazy – every single one? Odds are that the problem isn’t the people he dates, it’s actually him. And no, it’s def not worth your time to explain that to him. Fuckboys will just agree with you, say they’ll change, and then ignore everything you discussed.
9.) He loves Diplo.
Nobody loves Diplo. Fucking nobody.