Broke-Ass Stuart's Goddamn Website » San Francisco

Win Tickets to ODC’s “Small Plates”

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 16:02:43 +0000

If you’re into contemporary dance, and you’re in San Francisco, then you must know about ODC. They’ve been holding it down in SF since 1976 and are on the forefront of all things dancy…although I’m pretty sure “dancy” isn’t a technical term.

I have two pairs of tickets to giveaway to a really cool event their doing called “Small Plates” on Thursday March 18th. According to the press release:

This a great opportunity for the curious and uninitiated to try a “taste” of contemporary dance and enjoy a complimentary glass of wine and tasty appetizers at 5:30pm before this special 1-hour presentation of three repertory favorites: Brenda Way’s Something About a Nightingale (music by the delightful Tin Hat Trio), KT Nelson’s River an award-winning quartet that explores the landscape of domestic turmoil and the solace found in nature, and Brenda Way’s 24 Exposures, a molding of superhuman leaps and turns that packs a wallop!

Normally each ticket is $20, so this a pretty dope giveaway. If you wanna win, email me at info@brokeassstuart.com and tell me so. If you don’t want to be added to my email list, please say so in your email. Good Luck!

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Remembering Playland at the Beach

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 17:46:33 +0000

History is often best marked by the buildings and landmarks left behind. These edifices act as scars, reminding us that our time is short and that there were people here before us, just as there will be after us. It’s the buildings remaining once an era has passed, that allow us access what that era might have been like. Buildings are our time machines, our magical portals into history.

Unfortunately real estate developers have no great love for history or time travel or even beautiful buildings for that matter. What they care for most is money. The regal and beautiful old Penn Station was torn down to build New York’s Madison Square Garden. Blocks upon blocks of the Victorian splendor in San Francisco’s Western Addition was demolished to build the Fillmore Center. And Playland at the Beach was razed so that condos could be built. It’s always condos with these fucking guys.

Playland at the Beach was San Francisco’s 10 acre seaside amusement park that ran from the late 1800’s to 1972. It’s considered by most to be one of San Francisco’s lost treasures. Tomorrow night the Balboa Theatre is screening Remembering Playland at the Beach, a full length doc by Tom Wyrsch about the the long gone landmark. This is your chance to see yet another movie about something amazing that ceased to exist before you were born. Ain’t that a bitch?

Remembering Playland at the Beach
The Balboa Theatre
3630 Balboa St. btw 37th and 38th Aves.
[Outer Richmond]
Tuesday 3/16
7pm
$6.50-$9
Buy Tickets HERE.

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How To Make New Friends

Christy Jovanelly - Cheapskate Commentator — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 18:58:56 +0000

Awwww. Remember these guys?

So you want some new friends. Maybe you don’t have any yet because you just moved to the city. Maybe you recently broke up with your girlfriend, who turned everyone you know against you (whore). Or maybe you’re just kind of sick of the friends you’ve already got. I mean, let’s be truthful here — they really are a bunch of assholes.

So what do you do? No, not take a shit ton of Valium and watch reruns of Law & Order in bed by yourself. Well, maybe you do that, but then you get dressed, look in the mirror and say, “I’m good enough!” Even if you’re not, you still definitely have some options. In perusing the following suggestions, I would caution you to consider the kind of friends you want, how much you value your dignity, and the amount of energy you truly want to expend on this endeavor.

1. Post a fake roommate wanted ad on Craigslist

Pretend there’s a room opening up soon in your apartment and post the ad ASAP. You can tailor it to attract the types of people you want to be friends with, which is a perk you don’t always get in the real world (as opposed to the fake, web-of-lies world). If it’s important that your friends like Werther’s original butterscotch toffee candies and the Detroit Red Wings as much as you do, say so in the ad. After you’ve filtered the responses and begin having interviews (which could be weird if you already have roommates, but use your resources to figure it out), do the right thing and offer a beer to everyone that comes by. This way there can be no mistaking the fact that you would make an excellent friend.

When you’ve weeded out the losers and found your new entourage, E-mail each one and say something to the effect of, “The guy moving out decided to stay, but we should totally hang out sometime.” See where it goes and never mention the lying.

2. Volunteer

It’s nice to volunteer just, you know, to be a good person and not a selfish shithead. But volunteering also really is a great place to make friends, though it might take a couple tries to find what you enjoy — or people you enjoy. If you’re at all interested in writing, kids, or pirates, 826 Valencia is an awesome place to volunteer. I can tell you from personal experience that everyone there is really cool (except that one guy. You know who you are). There’s lots of online resources you can check out to narrow down your possibilities by interest and location, like the great VolunteerMatch website that Alison wrote about a few weeks ago.

3. Take a dog to a dog park

If you don’t have a dog, borrow one from someone you know. If you don’t know anyone with a dog, you can always find one tied up outside of Safeway. Making friends at the dog park is a nice strategy because the people you’ll find there are generally open to conversation, even if that conversation begins with, “Wow, Buddy really seems to like the smell of your puppy’s rectum.” All the dogs are at the park for the same purpose — to run around and play. Why shouldn’t their owners do the same?

4. Write to a prison pen-pal

This could be either extremely scary or extremely exciting. Through Writeaprisoner.com, you can search inmate photos and profiles, which list, among other things, the crime each is incarcerated for. So if you already have a serial killer friend and aren’t super into making another, simply move on and find a conspiracy-to-distribute-cocaine friend. Here’s a sample bio from the site: ”Yo. Name’s Latarian. Real Gemini stunner. Attracted to honesty, despise liars.” Well, that’s nice to hear, Latarian, seeing as how you’re in prison for CHECK FRAUD. Just remember, prisoners need friends too.

5. Try out Chatroulette

There you go. You’ve been wanting to do it and I just gave you permission. Just be prepared…FOR ANYTHING.

6. Be friendly

This is very important. People don’t want to be friends with a jerk or anyone who comes off as a jerk. So SMILE, okay? ’Cause I’m not gonna start a conversation with you at a bar if you look at me like I just stole your bike.

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Timbuk2 Warehouse Sale

Alison Lambert - Half Price Headliner — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 18:37:55 +0000

If you have ever ridden a bike, own a bike, or know what a bike is, you’re probably familiar with the messenger bag. One of the sweetest types out there are a little local operation called Timbuk2. Maybe you’ve hear of them? Well even if you haven’t (seriously, who are you??) you will appreciate the MEGAULTRACRAZY SALE they are having today at their warehouse!! The site advertises 50 to 75% off messenger bags, backpacks and accesories. These bags aren’t cheap, but they are amazingly good quality and will stand up to the elements (a la stupid little asshole dogs peeing on your bag in the park). Zoom on down to Alabama and 16th and get yourself some sweet-ass deals your coupon clipping ma would be proud of.

Timbuk2 Warehouse Sale
Saturday, March 13, 10:30 AM – 3:00 PM
333 Alabama St. (at 16th St.) [Potrero]
50 to 75% Off The Goods

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Best Place in SF to Get Cheap BBQ and Beer

Rebecca Pederson - Cheap Date — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 22:41:00 +0000

I’m gonna be really real right now: the only thing that gets me wetter than fantasizing about making it with one of Marva Whitney’s back-up dancers is basking in the sun and eating some down home, backyard barbeque. You can imagine my reaction, then, when I heard about Hard French, the new outdoor soul dance party happening the first Saturday of every month. Party hosts DJ Carnita and DJ Brown Amy spin classic soul hits in the midday sun – and they do it real vinyl, not from their iPods like some stupid DJ AM shit. And here’s the kicker that made me cream: for just $10, you get access to this party plus all-you-can-eat barbeque and all-you-can-drink beer. It’s a broke-ass bonanza!

The party is held at El Rio. I’ll be honest: I’m on the fence about a lot of gay bars. I mostly love them because the drinks are stiff and the thrills are cheap. But a lot of times, they can be a Lady Gaga, STD, weird anal bead chandelier bummer. While Hard French prides itself on attracting a sexually ambitious/ambiguous kind of crowd, this party is by no means gross orgy with a bunch of homos. It’s about hard dancing, hard soul, and Hard Frenching. If you’re gay – great. If you’re straight – that’s okay too. And if you’re neither, there’s always the barbeque.

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Writers with Drinks This Saturday

Christy Jovanelly - Cheapskate Commentator — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 17:08:40 +0000

Oh, yeah. Definitely a writer.

I feel like it was fated, like I was meant to post about Saturday’s Writers With Drinks at The Make-Out Room. Why? Because a few weeks ago, after deciding I was too bored at the gym to work out for more than five minutes without stimulation that did not involve SportsCenter or The Real Housewives of Orange County, I spent $2.99 on the new This American Life app for my phone, which allows me to access every broadcast since the show’s inception. Yay, Ira! So today, as I climbed approximately 78 flights of stairs without getting anywhere, I listened to an episode from 2004, and one of the hilarious stories — one that I wish hadn’t been so hilarious because it’s really creepy to laugh out loud while utilizing a Stairmaster — was contributed by Beth Lisick, who just so happens to be the guest host of Writers With Drinks tomorrow. No way that’s a coincidence. Just no way.

If you haven’t been to Writers With Drinks, it’s time. It’s described online in a lot of places as a “spoken word variety show,” but that’s a shitty description because it doesn’t tell you anything. Basically, each monthly edition of Writers With Drinks is a like a normal reading featuring a handful of writers, except fun and with beer involved. Many times the performers are writers from different genres, which means in one night, you could be horrified (0r aroused?) by some weird-ass sci-fi erotica, then laughing so hard at a non-fiction account of time spent as Danny DeVito’s personal assistant that $2 PBR comes spraying out of your nose, then desperately holding back tears because FINE, maybe that poem DID make you feel something. Oh, and the writers they get are legit, like Mary Gaitskill and Jerry Stahl, who are performing this weekend.

Doors open at 7pm, but if you really plan to get inside, come around 6-ish. There WILL be a line. Just know that this thing is so popular that if you do get in, you won’t be able to move for the next two hours. Which is cool because 1. It’s worth it, and 2. You will be at a place called “The Make-Out Room.” Just take a peek at the wedding ring finger of your target before you sneak attack them on the mouth. If it’s bare, you’re good to go.

The best part about Writers With Drinks, besides the writers, I guess, or the cheap booze at the Make-Out Room, is that the cost is on a sliding scale. I love the words “sliding scale,” because they make three crumpled one-dollar bills, strategically placed to look like a much larger wad of cash (or at least the $5 minimum), an acceptable form of payment. Yeah, I’m THAT cheap.

Writers With Drinks
Saturday 3/13
7:30pm-9:30pm
The Make-Out Room
3225 22nd St.
[Mission]
$5-$10 sliding scale

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A View of What the Mission was like in 1980

Stephen Torres - Threadbare-Fact Finder — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 22:51:13 +0000

You better be there. Photo from Mission Cultural Center

When you’ve grown up somewhere, there eventually comes the time when you’re walking down the street and realize: that you have walked up and down that street so many times, hung out on it with your friends, passed through it on the way to a party – and it’s not at all the same street you are now standing on. And to be honest, you can’t even be sure that you would remember what that street looked like.

Bad enough anywhere, but in a town like this full of more transient faces every day, it’s amazing that anyone can remember anything at all.

Some people have a knack for it and make it their passion.
Clare Haggarty, Sandy Cuadra and Vero Majano have done this with their exhibit Two-Four Home Girls, Circa 1980 now on display at the Mission Cultural Center.

They have put together a multimedia show that documents a time when meticulous coffee klatches and feral packs of hipsters were but an epileptic twinkle in the district’s eye, and instead the Tiny Locas were kicking it in Dolores Park, low-riders cruised Mission Street, and there was no such thing as too much Aqua-Net.

The story telling session with some of the Locas was this past Wednesday but the exhibit is up through the 27th, so you can check it all out and try to imagine what it was like in the cool old days.

Two-Four Home Girls, Circa 1980
Mission Cultural Center
March 3-27
2868 Mission Street ( btw 24th & 25th)
[Mission]

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FREE Beer at Lunchtime in the FiDi

Andrew Dalton - Aggressive Panhandler — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 17:59:41 +0000

On Thursdays, we are all Thirsty Bears.

Not that we would encourage you to drink on your lunch break, but it’s Thursday, and dammit you work hard for that meager paycheck. So tell your coworkers you can’t come along with them to get stale potstickers from the steam trays at Lee’s Deli and head over to the Crocker Galleria between Sutter and Post next to Montgomery St in the financial district to enjoy a FREE organic beer tasting and workshop in the Green Zebra Environmental Action Center (whatever that is). Thirsty Bear will be providing Polar Bear Lager, Valencia Wheat, Brown Bear Ale and some cask conditioned Ales that are brewed just a couple blocks away in SoMa, so you get to feel good about being a “locavore” too.

And if you’ve never been to the Galleria, take your lunch and your beer-tasting buzz up to the top floor where you’ll find an urban park on the roof that overlooks Market street and Montgomery. Perfect for sunny days like today when you need to get out of your cubicle.

The Details!
FREE Organic Beer Tasting & Workshop with Thirsty Bear
Green Zebra Environmental Action Center
12 – 1:30pm
Crocker Galleria Promenade Level (That’s the bottom floor)
50 Post Street [Financial District]
Hat tip to FunCheapSF

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Tomorrow Night: Free Local Music and $1 PBR at Milk Bar

Andrew Dalton - Aggressive Panhandler — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 23:03:41 +0000

retro is the new... uh... new?

When you go to college in the town that made Dave Matthews popular you start to associate the term “local music” with shitty cover bands and impressively mediocre acts that might not ever release anything more substantial than xeroxed fliers to their show at a friend’s house.

San Francisco, on the other hand, has been churning out some great local acts recently. So if you’ve been searching for that next band you can tell your boring friends back East about, then local shows like tomorrow night’s edition of epicsauce.com presents… at Milk Bar in the Haight are great ways to hear some new music and do some drinking on the cheap.

Kevin over at epicsauce.com has lined up three local acts that you might have heard of if you follow any of the local music news: There’s music-nerd-favorite, post-punk French Miami, White Cloud (who promise to “some kind of percussive assault”), and Silian Rail who our friends at the DeliSF called one of the best live shows of 2009.

And in case you need something to tell your friends to convince them to come along, Milk Bar will be selling PBRs at the low, low price of $1 all night long. (Plus, you know, they don’t have to pay to get in.)

Epicsauce presents…
French Miami, White Cloud, Silian Rail
FREE Show
Milk Bar
1840 Haight St at Cole [Upper Haight]
8:30pm – last call
Thursday, March 11th
$1 PBR served all night
More details on epicsauce.com

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Kill a Tree Tonight, Plant One Tomorrow

Christy Jovanelly - Cheapskate Commentator — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 17:01:47 +0000

Blood and Sunshine. Two things that go together, but shouldn't.

Sure, I spend a lot of time writing about food, my feelings and the dog from my favorite commercial ever, but buried deep in the recesses of my brain, there’s a bestseller brewing. I can feel it. A real page-turner about a sassy, twenty-something broke-ass who works in cafes all day and steals leftover untouched sandwich halves from hygienic-looking people after they’ve left. It’s all part of my master plan to become famous and meet the cast of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and seduce them, collectively. But that’s not gonna happen until this thing gets published (well, first written, but I’m skipping ahead), which is not gonna happen until I know how the hell to go about it.

This is where tonight at 7pm comes in. Bazaar Cafe is hosting its FREE monthly “how-to” night, and in this installment you can find out everything you’ve ever wanted to know about how to get a book published. Ted Weinstein, a real live literary agent, will be sharing tips and tricks of the publishing industry and answering very pressing questions, such as, “Shit, dude. You want my bestseller or not?” To ease the sting of the inevitable pitying and/or disgusted look that will follow, down a cheap pint and a $5 pesto melt (it’s really good) in the outdoor garden area and brood.

According to some extremely questionable statistics I found on the Internet, one tree = 1,000 books. This means that 1,000 copies of my novel could be made from the tree that San Francisco-based band Blood and Sunshine will be planting on the back patio of Thee Parkside on Thursday, where they’ll later be celebrating their EP release show. This tree is one of many the band will get their hands dirty with on their upcoming tour: For every 200 miles they travel, they’ve pledged to plant a tree in an attempt to counteract the not-so-great byproducts that result from touring, like those pesky CO2 emissions. Of course, while I’m the type to tie back my hair, slap on some flannel and chop down a million trees myself if it means my book will get published, I totally appreciate the sentiment. Mostly because their music is bad-ass and I hear they wear face paint when performing.

Check out the merch table at the show, where you can see the genus and species of each tree the band has planted thus far (so you know this caring-about-the-environment business isn’t just a gimmick to make you like them enough to buy their new EP) and then enjoy the self-proclaimed “electro, shoegaze, gospel revival!” of Blood and Sunshine. (Just out of curiosity, can anyone tell me when the original heyday of electro/shoegaze/gospel was? Definitely missed that one.)

How to Get A Book Published, Wednesday 7pm

Bazaar Cafe

5927 California Street

[Outer Richmond]

Blood and Sunshine EP release show with Gunslingers and Superfinos VTO, Thursday 9pm

Thee Parkside

1600 17th St.

[Potrero Hill]

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