Short People on the Train

14th Street Stop

Short people…I am watching you.  That means you…yah, you, short lady.  You probably don’t think I can see you because I am taller than you.  Well, around 5’8” if you must know.  And you are what, maybe 5 feet?  Interesting.  My sister is 5 feet tall so maybe I am trained to keep an eye out or something.  Well, do you think I can’t see you or something?  I can see you because we are standing here waiting for the L train and there is really nothing else to do but…watch.  So, I am watching you.  I am watching you wander up to the waiting area…with the rest of us rush-hour commuters.

You think you are so cool with your large quantity of mascara.  You remind me of Betty Boop.  I am sure that is intentional.  You are not one of those dirty just-woke-up-looking hipsters.  I would classify you as one of those classy, retro-hipsters.  I imagine you probably have a job at a design firm, or at a magazine or something.  How else can you afford all those vintage clothes?  I have been to the shops on Bedford…that shit is expensive!

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seems fair

Listen, Betty, do you think I seriously don’t see what you are doing?  That move is the oldest one in the book.  I see you marching yourself to the front of the pack of losers waiting for the train – you pretend to look for the train in the tunnel and then, Oh what luck, now you just happen to be at the front of the queue.  What, you think because you are short we won’t notice you cutting us all? You shorties are all the same…thinking you can weasel in front unnoticed.  And then maybe if we do notice we won’t do anything because you are so non threatening and cute?  Is that the idea?

Oh gee, here comes the train and look who is right front and center?!  I am so glad to be entering the train behind you even though I have been waiting 10 minutes longer.  What elementary school did you go to anyway?  Didn’t you learn anything about waiting in line?  About fairness? Betty, you seem to have situated yourself close to the exit instead of walking all the way into the train, why is that?  Is it because you are too short to grab the bar in the middle of the train?  Or is it because you want to be the first one off the train. You seem to need to be first.  Well you fit right in – NYC is a city of overachievers.  Typical.  Well, allow me and the other Sasquatches to make it better for you.  Let me cram myself in the train as far in as I can.  How about next to this guy coughing up a lung?  Perfect.  I do that to make room for everyone else, get it?  You probably wouldn’t know what that’s like because you are to busy thinking of yourself in a city of 8 million people.  Thank God this trip is only 5 minutes long. Am I making you nervous staring down on the top of your head like this?  Can you feel my eyes boring into you?  As God as my witness, I will teach you, lady.  I will not teach you with words, oh no, I will communicate with my displeasure with a stare.  You…will…never…screw…me…and…the…other…innocent…. commuters…who…did…not…notice…AGAIN!

Wait a second; are you going to get the N/R too?  Weird.  We have the same commute?
OMG you are taking the W train too? You are getting off here?  You work in Chelsea? Well, no, I don’t mind, go right ahead…after you. Don’t you just hate this train? Wanna get coffee sometime? I really like your mascara!

Photo by Moriza

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Christine Witmer - Sparing Stringer

Christine was born and raised in the land of the Pilgrims, Plymouth, Massachusetts. She turned in her buckled shoes when she moved to NYC to attend NYU. From that esteemed University she received her BFA in theatre as well as a Master’s Degree in Performance Studies in 2004. Now an actor, writer and broke ass day-jobber, Christine juggles her many personas with the elegance of a red panda…. specifically the one in the Prospect Park Zoo . . . soooooo cute! She can be found most often in her own habitat on the Northside of Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

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