Breakfast dates. Kinda awkward sometimes, right? I don’t know who these people are that go on breakfast dates, but it’s just kind of weird to me. Like, there’s clearly no possibility of going home with the other person, you just sort of awkwardly part ways afterward and carry on with the rest of your day, and you both pretend that a bunch of dough with syrup on it counts as real food. It seems like it’s actually a preferable outing for an ex you’re afraid you’ll sleep with or someone you’re trying to give the boot to. Whatever. Whether or not you’re one of those kinds of weirdos or a “normies” who goes out to breakfast the morning after, you have a bazillion options in New York, and especially the Williamsburg/Greenpoint evil empire.
You want something cheap, good, and, sometimes, something that will give you a little street cred. Here’s the scoop:
1) 3 Decker
They do not make places like this anymore. It’s a for real diner with a lady working the register who looks like a for real Lucille Ostero. So, if you want to grab life by the spikes and you’re sick of Enids (and who isn’t?) and waiting for 20 billion hours for Five Leaves to give you a shelf of a table, just walk north a block or two and you’re gonna pay like half of what you would pay pretty much anywhere else. And before you smugly snark at your computer and say “well, I bet all that food is fattening and crap and no local pigs were used to make that bacon blah blah blah”, they DO have an amazing Greek yogurt/fruit/granola plate that pales in comparison to pretty much anything I’ve ever had in Brooklyn that is similar. The portion is so amazing that you like HAVE to eat all of it even if you vom in between. Though you might be right about local ingredients and pigs and whatever, they have a killer feta and spinach omelet regardless. Oh, and they deliver in case you get super lazy.
Consider this the backlash to the backlash, if there even was a backlash to begin with when it comes to their street cred. Yeah, it can get crowded sometimes, but $12 for brunch and coffee or tea AND a mimosa or bloody mary? That’s still a good deal no mater which way you slice it. Also, what kind of magical ingredient is in those damn potatoes? I would sell my firstborn child for them. Their french toast has been my jam for going on like 4 years now.
Ok, so Dizzy’s isn’t like super street-cred-ish, but I’ll tell you exactly what you need to get there to win the heart of the person you just slept with: the Italian eggs. It’s kind of like an Italian equivalent of Huevos Rancheros, and though that sounds gross and weird, it is quite literally, the best thing in the universe: “Two poached eggs served over cubed focaccia and drizzled with olive oil, parmesan and fresh basil”. NOM.