AdviceNew YorkSex and Dating

How to Bang a Woman Right

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Listen up boys! I’m about to drop some real wisdom here, and you might be disappointed to learn that your sexual approach is all wrong. No, real life is not a porno and women don’t just get wet at the sight of your dick. We need foreplay and have fantasies too. I’ve been in the dating scene for the better part of a decade (yikes!) and have had all sorts of sexual experiences… and it’s shocking to realize that I’ve been in relationships that had little to no intimacy and, conversely, have had one night stands that felt like the person cared about every inch of my body and mind. Guess which sex was better?

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New York City is a place of abundance. If one person rejects you, there’s always another. Men can take full advantage of their bachelor status and rejoice in all the opportunities for sex they get based solely on the fact that they’re good looking and/or have a job. But more than ever, boys are trying less and less when it comes down to the deed, and that leaves women feeling dissatisfied and cheated. Even when your intention is to never see them again, it’s only fair that she gets off just as much as you do. So to all the boys out there who think they can just use their spit as a lubricant and then jam it in, let me inform you that if you were doing sex right, YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TO DO THAT!

200-1Nobody is asking you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. If I don’t want your dick in my mouth, there is nothing you can say or do to persuade me. However, I am a team player and I’m more than happy to compensate in other ways. Same goes for you. If you don’t feel comfortable going downtown, that’s dandy, but you better find other ways to get me prepped for the main event. And here is a tip: stimulating a woman’s mind can go a long way. Talk to her. Get to know her. Even if just out of sportsmanship or for the selfish purpose of having good sex. If she’s not done, you’re not done. I don’t care if you already ejaculated. In my book, sex is a competition. If you’re doing a good job, it makes me want to do a better job. Feeling wanted and having a man who’s eager to please is a huge turn on that comes with high rewards. Pride yourself in having consistently satisfied customers. It’s good for the ego.1askkfg

Pornography could be super great if only it portrayed women differently. I understand that for most men, it’s in their nature to want to dominate, and when it comes to sex, that’s as primal as we get. But women have needs too, and that’s vastly underplayed in porn. There is absolutely no effort to explore the complexities of a woman’s body and its needs. And I think it’s this that’s largely to blame for men’s behavior in the sack. Now, I’m aware that not all men are like this, but as a single woman who enjoys uninhibited sex, I’ve realized this is a huge problem. I’ve spoken to married women who stopped enjoying sex because their partner never bothered to evolve as their needs evolved. Many have confessed to me that their spouses have the mentality that the same old tricks still work and there is no need for romance. That’s the saddest shit I ever heard.200-2

So I propose this: let’s start looking at our sex partners as individuals. Let’s try to connect and appreciate each other’s sexuality. Pleasure is a gift, so when you receive it, give it. It’s that simple. Boys cannot be under the delusion that women are just happy to be penetrated. We are way more complicated than that (and way more fun). Meet the clitoris, get acquainted with it. Treat her like a lady even if you’re about to pound her like a chicken. Talk to her. Put on that damn Weeknd song, offer a glass of wine and for the love of God, put on a fucking condom! Sounds like an investment and it is, but you’ll profit hugely. Try it just once and see that you’ll go in a boy and come out a man. You. Are. Welcome.

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Penelope Hernandez

Penelope Hernandez

Lover of all desserts. Yogi by day, night life connoisseur by night.

  • Holly Behanna

    One of the best things I have read in ages on this topic…and completely accurate! I am sharing this with just about every male I know! It astounds me that men really do believe, and act upon, the idea that it is all about them, about getting off, and then walking away…about getting into bed just because they think they deserve it, not because they work for it. Get a clue boys…and strive to become men.