BushwickColumnsComedyNew YorkPoliticsTrump

10 People Who Would Run HUD Better Than Ben Carson

Ben Carson is in charge of the United States’ Department of Housing and Urban Development. That means that Secretary Carson (blech) oversees the government’s Public and Indian Housing Programs, Equal Opportunity and Fair Housing programs, and several other programs meant to bring equality and justice to all. This is the same man who has also said that slaves were “immigrants” in his first official speech to department employees, so, you know – he’s doing GREAT.

I’ve decided to take it upon myself to make a list of who would be better than Ben Carson at running HUD. Aside from pretty much everyone else in the United States, here’s a list of people (celebs, politicians, and otherwise) that should have been offered HUD’s top job.

 

Janet Golrick

Golrick is the Acting Deputy Secretary of HUD. As everyone in the world already knows, behind every man is a significantly more competent woman. Prior to serving as Acting Deputy Secretary, Golrick served as HUD’s Senior Advisor.

Charlie Upshaw

Via - http://www.webberenergygroup.com/

Via – http://www.webberenergygroup.com/

Recently named to Forbes’ 30 Under 30, Upshaw created a home system that collects rainwater and cools it during the night so it can reduce air conditioning costs during the day. As the co-founder of IdeaSmiths, that’s the kind of innovation our country needs to succeed.

 

Roy Choi and Daniel Patterson

Food Truck pioneers Choi and Patterson

Food Truck pioneers Choi and Patterson

If you’re a foodie, you’ll recognize Choi and Patterson as celebrity chefs. Choi is considered one of the front-runners of the food truck boom, while Patterson has three Michelin stars under his belt. But together, they’re doing more for urban development than Carson ever could. Using their knowledge of food, Patterson and Choi are bringing healthy food to underserved communities in order to combat the rising number of “food deserts” in the United States. Though the business they created to do it: Locol, was expensive to fund but is growing quickly and now has over 50 team members.

 

Dan Bridleman

Sure, his title of “Senior Vice President” is as Trump administration-eqsue as one can get, but his focus on sustainability, technology, and strategy at KB Home means that he knows how the housing market operates and what needs to be done to make it better for everyone.  Sometimes corporate industry experience is a good thing, guys!

 

Ursula Burns

Burns is the first black female CEO of a Fortune 500 company, but she also grew up in public housing and knows what program residents need. She’s successfully led Xerox for several years, so she would actually be an amazing pick for this job.

 

Carson Daly

I’m sure that if we put Carson Daly’s name on some HUD documents instead of Ben Carson’s, Trump would not notice. Daly’s ability to balance his work on The Voice, TODAY, and Last Call with Carson Daly (which is somehow still on the air) means that he probably, more than anyone else in the White House, knows how to speak Trump.

 

The Rock

Fuck yeah, Dwayne Johnson could run HUD. He knows as much about urban development as Ben Carson, and whenever the American people need him to change a policy, we can blackmail him with The Tooth Fairy.  Everybody wins here.

 

 A Pet Rock

An actual rock.

An actual rock.

 

Danielle Bregoli

Via - http://www.thedailybeast.com/

Via – http://www.thedailybeast.com/

After a 7th-grade dropout made an appearance on the Dr. Phil Show for being an “out of control teen” our country, full of viewers with no taste gave her fame and fortune. Most notably by making her catchphrase “Cash Me Outside”go viral.

She’s been banned from one airline for assaulting a passenger, been offered a reality TV show, and already has a net worth of $200,000. With her ability to cash in on bullshit, even she could probably run and fund a government department better than Ben Carson.

 

 

I regret nothing.

 

Like this article? Make sure to sign up for our mailing list so you never miss a goddamn thing!
Previous post

You Can Assign Tasks to Casual Lovers

Next post

Tax and Flu Season Feel the Same


Alexandra Wilson

Alexandra Wilson

Boston-bred but Brooklyn-based, Alex has been writing for years and her work has been seen throughout many national publications, including USA Today, Brit+Co, and Elite Daily. In her spare time, Alex can be found exploring new neighborhoods, waiting in line for the newest food trend, and planning her next NYC escape. She someday hopes to travel to all seven continents - yes, including Antarctica.