21 Jun 2016

On Having Daddy Issues

When I was 5, I sat in the back of a car holding a gallon of milk filled with pennies, while my drunk father drove us to 7/11  to get beer. As I watched the police take him away, I knew I would never feel safe again. In 6th grade,

Penelope Hernandez 0
09 Jun 2016

Summer Heat Turns Up The Heat

There is nothing like the hot days of summer to throw your hormones into overdrive. I mean it is almost impossible for anyone with a heartbeat not to feel it. Here in New York City, the heat is even stronger. Perhaps it’s the heat of the asphalt, maybe the traffic,

writer arm 0
21 Mar 2016

How to Bang a Woman Right

Listen up boys! I’m about to drop some real wisdom here, and you might be disappointed to learn that your sexual approach is all wrong. No, real life is not a porno and women don’t just get wet at the sight of your dick. We need foreplay and have fantasies

Penelope Hernandez 0
08 Feb 2016

Professional Drinking Advice For Women Thanks To The CDC

While the rest of us were screwing around with all that Chipotle nonsense, the Centers For Disease Control and Prevention, otherwise known as the CDC, were launching its latest ad campaign geared towards women and fetal alcohol syndrome. Unfortunately it read more like a fundamentalist Christian attack on your vagina,

29 May 2015

Eighteen Tunes to Screw To

    I used to have an iTunes playlist called Music To Fuck To, a curated aural orgy of thumping bass and wah-wah guitar glory.  All the obvious songs were there—”Whole Lotta Love,” “Come Together,” “Lebanese Blonde.” Naturally, I played it one night when I was giving a platonic massage to

Dan Nazarian - Uninformed Informant 0
11 Mar 2015

What it’s Like Dating A Sex Addict

Might as Well Face it You’re Addicted to Sex I had sex with a married woman in the backseat of my Boss’s car. She began flicking her tongue between my thighs while my Boss was driving down 6th St.  At 8th St. her nipple slid onto my clitoris while a

Badinage- Senior Drug Analyst 0
18 Nov 2014

The 5 Similarities Between Job Interviews and Dating

A job interview is like dating, or is dating like a job interview? You know where I’m going here. You sit down with a stranger for an allotted amount of time and you try to impress each other with bullshit. You spend so much time preparing for these meetings, but

Enrique Grijalva - Mr. Minimum Wage 0