I think I would give roses to more people if they weren’t so expensive. Single stems can go for up to nine bucks a pop or more, which is a totally ridiculous investment for something that’s gonna die on you in a matter of hours. I agree with the Jennifer Lopez song, “Love Don’t Cost A Thing”: What I need from you is not available in stores!
But not everyone’s honey baby is like me. If yours needs a fetishized commodity like a rose to be convinced to stick around, hunt down the Crying Rose Man for a bro deal. Though he doesn’t ever stick to one place, he’s hard to miss â€“ he’s the guy standing on the sidewalk, bawling uncontrollably with a huge bouquet of roses for sale. He hangs around SOMA and FiDi, and I usually find him by walking towards the area that people seem to be fleeing. His tears make most people extremely uncomfortable, but if you can get past the awkwardness of dealing with a sobbing grown man, you’ll walk away with a 25 cent rose! And your significant other never has to know how much their love is really worth to you.
On a slightly related note, when you Google “crying man,” an article pops up about a Japanese festival where moms bring their babies to get scared shitless by sumo wrestlers. Truth be told, I didn’t read the whole thing – but my guess is that in the end, everyone goes to hell.
photos from yelp and bit rebels
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