If you are reading this, you might be a young lady who works hard for her money and may not have much of it to begin with. So what do you do when it comes to dating? Are you to wait around for Prince Charming with fat pockets to come and sweep you off your feet and take care of you? I would hope not, this is not our mother’s day and age and we young ladies are more independent, financially and otherwise, than ever before. Most of us can pretty much do everything ourselves and if you are a brokeass, chances are you are a DIY’er because you don’t want to cough up your own dough.
The habit of being financially independent when you find that spectacular young man that you want to spend time with should begin on your first date. You should pay, or at least offer to pay, your share of the date. For example, pay half the dinner check or the bar tab. I mean after all, we want to be treated as equals so pay for your equal share of the evening’s festivities. Think about it this way, since you are a brokeass, you probably really want to hang out with this dude if you are going to be investing in the date as well. This could help avoid that bad date situation where you need an “emergency” text or phone call from a girlfriend to get out of it. Here is an added bonus, there’s no pressure to *cough* participate in any “extra-curriculars” at the end of the night because you don’t “owe” him anything.
Now lets say you have gotten past those awkward first few dates and its time to move on to the next level. Its a good idea to maintain your independence by trading off paying for dates with your new beau or finding thrifty things to do together, like cooking dinner at home, so that neither of you have to dig too deep into your pockets and if you do, it’s not a financial strain on your penniless soul.
The point is that you will feel more confident in dating if you have more control over the situation. That feeling of owing someone, especially if it’s someone that you like or care about it, is a bit uncomfortable. You never want to feel as though you have been bought and paid for. When you go through a breakup, especially if it’s a nasty one, usually the first insult that gets thrown at you is how much money that person has spent on you or other financial sacrifices they have made for you. This is one of my favorite verses from Common’s “Geto Heaven, Part Two” and I try to live by this “Love, your happiness don’t begin wit a man, Strong woman, why should you depend on a man I understand you want a man that’s resourceful If he pay your bills, he feel like he bought you”
So what about gifts and whatnot? Can you still claim “financial independence” if you are being showered with gifts? That depends on the situation. Getting gifts from a man on a special occasion such as a birthday, anniversary, or the very romantic “just because” gifts are fine, however if he throws gifts at you there is probably some ulterior motive that you may want to be weary of.
The point of all of this is that you work very hard for your money, but your self-esteem and self-respect are priceless. You never want to feel bought, paid for and kept. As tempting as it may be for a brokeass to let a man “take care” of her, you need to be able to retain your own independence.