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FREE: Paper Magazine Music Festival at South Street Seaport

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It takes a certain kind of person to voluntarily travel down to the South Street Seaport. It’s largely an historic site by now so most people down there are either school kids on a field trip, luckless NYU sophomores doomed to a year at the Water Street dorms,  professional balloon-animal sculpturs, the unemployable, and  be-fanny-packed tourists looking to dine at yet another of New York’s famed Pizzeria Uno’s.

Well forget everything you THOUGHT you knew about the South Street Seaport, because this afternoon at 5:30, PAPER magazine is gonna turn the lamest, smelliest, RANCH1-restaurant-having-est spot in all of Manhattan into the site of an uber-ironic musical hipster throwdown!

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“No way!” you’re saying “South Street Seaport sucks!”

Oh yeah? Maybe you suck.

What would you say to a perfomance by  (all quoted material is taken directly from PAPER) “hipster-hip-hopper” Kid Cudi?

Still too cool?

Well chew on this, tough guy! “Prep pop duo” Chester French is gonna be there too! I’ll bet they even play that song with the things, you know? The one you like so much? The one that was playing when you were trying to pick up that girl who said she was gonna be in a J.Crew catalog but her shots got cut at the last minute and now she works at the American Apparel in Soho? No, not the Spring Street one, the other one.  No, the other other one.

Yeah, you’re coming around already, I can tell. And just in time, too, because who’s manning the decks in between musical sets? Oh, I don’t know,  maybe Brooklyn’s Art-Punk-Pop-Slop-Crop-Top-wearing “darlings” Les Savy Fav!

I can smell the contraband Schlitz already and you know who else is gonna be there?

These chicks.

And they’re gonna be pretty drunk, so….get there early.

As of “press time” there is no word on whether or not there will be booze of any kind. I am not optimistic about that but after spending 20 minutes down there you will be profoundly drunk on crazy ass  scenester-style.

In any event, take the proper precautions:  Put a couple of 22s  in a brown bag and get lost in the crowd.

5:30 PM, Friday June 26, on the Pier 17 stage at The Seaport

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BAS Writers

BAS Writers is mostly a collection of articles written by people for the early days of this site. Back then nobody knew that snarky articles they were writing could come back and haunt them when job searching a decade later.