Sex and Dating

A Guide to Bachelor Pads

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They say first impressions are everything, and nothing speaks more loudly than your living situation. Whether you’re casually dating or bringing home some late night guests, don’t be fooled, you are being judged.  I’ve seen my share of oddball apartments from guys with weird erotic wooden Balinese figurines, to an entire space devoted to bowls of cigarette butts and Mozart sheet music.  The point being, you can tell a lot about a person from their living space, those Room Raiders people were onto something! The question is, what are the red flags to look for and what are the deal breakers. Here’s a little breakdown of some common bachelor pad types from the female perspective.

The Sports Nut

I always felt you could tell something about a guy by the size of his TV. There seems to be a TV to furniture ratio,  the bigger the TV the less shit to actually sit on there seems to be. If you’re a big sports fan, then I’m sure you’ll be into his plasma, but just remember you know what you’ll be doing every Sunday through the whole relationship. Oh and Mondays, and sometimes Tuesdays, and so on.  And also remember these guys tend to cultivate a serious entourage, so hone your dip making skills now.

The Skater Den

Remember how much fun bunk beds were? And remember how cool they were when you were 25, yeah didn’t think so. Nothing can cramp your style more than precariously sleeping 20 feet in the air over another persons bed that shares a wall with another bedroom. Skaters definitely like to hang out in packs and when it comes to settling into an apartment it’s usually 6 people to a place and usually on some weird side street that resembles Beirut. So if you do find yourself dating a skater just remember the 5 other people who will be right there with you every step. It’s like one big happy family.

The Bandmates

If I lived in a huge loft space with lots of electrical sockets I’d probably throw concerts at my place too. You know rent ain’t cheap. But a lot of dude pads also tend to turn into the band’s practice space overnight.  The drum set fits nicely in the kitchen and the amp can double as a sweet breakfast nook. If you’re gonna be hanging around a lot,  just make sure the band is good, nobody wants to hear “experimental” tribal beats on loop 24/7.

The Not-So Bachelor Pad

So you’ve been seeing someone for awhile, and you haven’t slept at their place yet. You figure oh it’s probably messy or they like my bed better. Next thing you know they invite you over for dinner, etc and suddenly you notice some lady products in the bathroom, a candle perhaps and oh wait a second the ex still lives there.  Like I said, rent’s not cheap and a nice apartment is hard to come by, but there’s nothing worse than trying to date someone who still lives with the ex. Despite my trash talk on most bachelor pads, I must say this is a genuine deal breaker.  They may be sharing a bed or one’s on the couch but you know after more than a month it’s time to make it work or move out.  Because nobody wants to date you AND your ex.

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Laura S - Spendthrift Scribe

Laura S - Spendthrift Scribe

Laura S, left the "sixth borough" three years ago to settle in Brooklyn. After working at some daily rags, she now does writing on the side but still eats more Ramen then necessary. When she's not moving residences every 6 months, eating her way through every neighborhood, and trying every microbrew known to man, she is unsuccessfully rediscovering home economics. With her binging days behind her, she's now exploring new projects and rediscovering the city that she loves (although is still prone to sliding on her knees during a Prince karaoke set).