Four Boozy Bar Crawls
Having attended a state school, I know a thing or two about bar crawls. Granted I never participated in them, but sure enough every weekend, a crowd of matching t-shirts or some obscure theme would be dragging ass all over town all in the name of the almighty bar crawl. I never really thought of New York as a place where this grand tradition would continue, but they seem to be popping up all over the place lately. Like New Yorkers need another excuse to drink. So with Santacon right around the corner, I figured would reminisce about some of my favorite bar crawls I’ve witnessed over the years.
Nothing quite gets you in the holiday mood then dressing up as old St.Nick along with hundreds of other drunk revelers and wreaking havoc on the town. Santacon is now celebrated all over the country, but nothing quite beats seeing a blur of red and white puking on New York landmarks and scuffling with the fuzz. Something tells me though, their vomit doesn’t smell like candy canes and holiday cheer. It’s official website is filled with precious tidbits like this one: “Wear layers so you’ll be comfortable anywhere from the North Pole to the stripper’s pole”. See Santa is always prepared.
Papal coronations don’t come around too often, considering pope’s serve until death, but when a new one comes around, the people will party. My roommate at the time came across a Craigslist ad asking for ladies to dress up as Catholic school girls for money to be part of their Pope bar crawl. I don’t know which is worse, the fact that they dress up like a bunch of assholes or the fact that they have to pay people to hang out with them. Either way, if you like car bombs with your Catholicism, then this bar crawl is for you!
Like Santacon, ZombieCon is somewhat organized and involves coordinating hordes of people. But you gotta respect the amount of creativity that goes into it. The hair, the makeup, the artful missing pieces of brain, they really go all out. And since Halloween is my favorite holiday, I’ll always encourage people dressing up and scaring the crap out of little kids. I’d say the only downside is if you get separated from the group, people might mistake you for an actual zombie due to your slurred speech and dragging leg walk. Now if only we could get a GWAR bar crawl going, then we could REALLY scare the kids.
When the Snuggie first came out, yes I was disgusted like the rest, but I figured hey people can wear whatever the hell they want inside their own home. If they want to be encased in a static-conducting, human nap cocoon, that’s their prerogative. But when you wear these things OUTSIDE, then you’re opening yourself up to ridicule and undisguised disdain. So when I saw a huge group of people willing to wear these things on the streets of New York, I could only shake my head and hope that there’s a party bus around the corner waiting to taking them back to whatever hole they climbed out of. Or maybe they all met back at their local bar with the Ped Egg Bar Crawl people and poured some Hennessy on the floor for Billy Mays.