Sex and Dating

Anna G’s Guide To Younger Men

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As someone who’s recently passed the “mid twenties” mark into the “early late twenties”, I’ve been a bit more fixated on age.  Now I’m not sure if I just happen to be meeting a lot of younger men (I’m talking 22-25-ish) lately or what, but to paraphrase noted philosopher David Wooderson: I keep gettin’ older, but they just stay the same age.  I’m not entirely sure how this phenomenon continues to perpetuate itself in my life, but consequently, I’ve been growing into, as some would say, quite a bit of a “cougar”, if you will.  This term in and of itself is pretty played out and even offensive, as it implies that women over a certain age are forced to be predatory because they’re past their prime, etc. etc bullshit.  But lemme tell you something: whatever you want to call it, IT’S AWESOME.  And here’s why:

1. Amazingly hot bodies

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Younger guys , about 90% of the time, have amazing bodies.  AMAZING.  Because what do they do?   They fucking work out all the time, and their metabolisms are at at their best.  Not to brag or anything, but I have actually, on more than 2 occasions, in the middle of sex just had to stop and admire what an amazing piece of human specimen certain younger men were.  I felt like Tony Soprano fucking Valentina, or basically, everyone he’s ever fucked on that show.  Or like Liz Lemon exclaiming to Jon Hamm that he looks like a cartoon pilot (because I  sort of actually have exclaimed a variation on that theme this one time).

http://api.ning.com/files/TDNeX9lzU64MzFz7WG5QlH3NgVE1XCjPVV17YMZexXYuEPgIIKUFe0yzNWuavEhsusUn04tWUGhnrugz7gNfNvUJWj6yTStf/WhySoSerious.jpg

2. You don’t ever have to take them seriously

You’re already mentally prepared for them to fail in the maturity department, so if they actually turn out to be mature (they won’t), then, it’ll be a nice surprise (I imagine).  Either way, though, you have NOTHING to lose.  If you’re the type who usually psychs yourself out of talking to guys (i.e. 75% of my female friends, even though they’re all very foxy ladies), this is a GREAT point to start jumping in to the world of flirtation and pick-ups.

3. They’re easy

What do males 20-25 years old want to do?  Have sex. Multiple times.  In a row.  No Viagara needed here, my friend.

4. You’re always the one with mystique

Simply because you’re older, you’ve got the upper hand.  Remember that they haven’t experienced your age yet, so by default, you have an air of mystery about you.  Maybe you can teach them a thing or two about a thing or two, if you know what I mean.  And I think that you do.

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5. Their schedules are rarely complicated

Younger guys are either in grad school, are bartending, or have a standard 9-5, and rarely take business trips.  Essentially, this is booty call city: population You and Hottie McStudface.  Since you hold all the cards, you can make them fit in to YOUR schedule.  It’s like it would be foolish NOT to do it, really.

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Anna G - Caliburg Contributor

Anna G - Caliburg Contributor

Anna G. is a Southern California native living in the Williamsburg area of Brooklyn since 2005. Anna is constantly trying to unite her love of CA sunshine and the excitement of the New York urban jungle, all the while trying to keep her unwieldy credit card debt under control, and look fabulous at brunch, no matter how un-showered and hungover.

8 Comments

  1. BAS Writers
    December 14, 2009 at 10:10 am

    I love this post so much I wanna take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant!

  2. Sarah Andrew
    December 14, 2009 at 11:13 am

    Since I turned 27, I’ve had the exact same experience. Young boys everywhere. They are significantly sweeter than men my age, they always pay for my dinner and they generally worship the ground I walk on. Can’t beat that.

  3. Joann
    December 14, 2009 at 11:19 am

    ah yes….the younger man. i have been a big fan since i was about 24. especially when i recently discovered a 24 year old beautiful specimen with a 3rd leg. hahahaha!! kudos for saying exactly what i was thinking.

  4. Jaemaz
    December 14, 2009 at 6:52 pm

    This is the post I have been waiting for my whole life– all 87 years of it.

  5. December 14, 2009 at 8:39 pm

    Garçon’s are the best, and make sure that they keep the dranks a comin’!

  6. December 15, 2009 at 9:43 am

    “Have sex. Multiple times. In a row. No Viagara needed here, my friend.”

    Oh Anna.

    You don’t say anything about the older men you’ve dated, but not only is all of the information in your article true for most men who are well past their 20s, we have more than a vague suspicion about orgasms and the existence and location of your clitoris.

    When you get frustrated with babysitting, let me know. I can tell you where the good men are.

  7. Anna G - Caliburg Contributor
    December 15, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    I’m all ears, Erik.

  8. Alexi Lawless
    December 16, 2009 at 9:51 am

    But what to do when your younger man grows up? Mine’s already in his “early late twenties”! I should have gone way younger, like 16 years old when I was 21. Damnit.